DCY1's POEM

a year passed

2011-10-17T09:07:00.001+07:00

A year passed
it’s been a year
I didn’t realize it
but it’s been a year

a long time we have been together
doing many things together
face hardships and funships all the same
smile and frown altogether

I hope we will stay together forever
may God bless us with His Grace
may our path be cleared and easy
so we can move forward together

thank you for by my side
although I’m not the easiest person to be with
I’m selfish, pampered and pompous
but still I love you for whoever you are

I will stay with you, whatever it takes
I will try harder and harder
to make you less tired
to build our future together

I love you…

my state of mind

2011-10-12T22:21:00.001+07:00

Why am I write today?
no idea I supposed
it’s been so long I don’t write
too busy? too lazy? or mixed of both?

makes me wonder
what happen with my life?

I bought my house
the place I will spend my future time
it’s quite far, and am I regret?
a bit…

I plan to married
and it’s got postponed
to quite far, and am I regret?
a bit…

but there are things I cherish too
teater for instance
although I lost 2 of my best performers
I gain a lot more promising star

my extra class, for another
although I don’t get a chance to teach the best
I still able to teach future programmer
to prepare the lost of my elite team

in the end, life’s keep spinning
sometimes you’re up
and sometimes… you’re down
so, make the most of it

that will be my state of mind now
try to calm myself
try to collect myself
and try to enjoy my life more

help me God

where my life take me?

2011-08-12T15:27:00.001+07:00

where is my life take me, God?
I feel I’m just drifting when I’m sure
I feel my stand are firm when I’m confuse
where is my life is taking me?

I wonder about my future
scared and anxiety
hopeful and giddy
but nonetheless afraid of my inability

I am able Dear God, I thanks you for that
but I am also unable at the same time
I wonder, why You gave me amazing skill but almost none of the normal skill?
sound like I’m complaining now eh?

sometime I wonder how is it to become someone else
someone else superior, rich ones, smart ones, leading ones
but they also have their own problems
just like I do, I have my own problems

I fear of my finance, although I still have enough money to support me
a baseless fear I suppose, but I still fear it somehow

I fear of my future house, no fixed plan on it
although actually I fear to be unable to pay actually

why money become such a matter to me now?
I never really worried about money before
why now? of all time? when I should be readier then my past

I earn quite a sum, although not really high in world’s view
I have my own savings and loans I confident with
then why should I still afraid with my finance?

dear God, only you can show me the way
what should I do?
you know my plan and I hope it’s suit with Yours
but still… show me, show us the way

it’s been a while

2011-08-12T15:16:00.001+07:00

it’s been a while
I didn’t write
I didn’t post
I didn’t share

I wonder, whether my passion to write vanished?
or I am getting lazy to write?
or I just didn’t care about it?
it’s been too long

it’s too much to write anyway…

what future has in store for us

2011-05-17T23:43:00.001+07:00

Today we enjoy our days
our beautiful day
together, without any worries
about future

you, particularly don’t talk about future much
me, particularly think about future almost all day
so should I change to cherish today more and ignore future to future?
or you should change to prepare for future ahead and sacrificing today?

what about future,
I pray future be kind to us
although see today
future seems… unclear

what future has in store for us?
I honestly don’t know
can we overcome future?
I honestly don’t know

but one thing for sure
with you I’m ready to overcome everything
May god help us
and prepare us for the future

so today…
I enjoy and cherish you all I can
so tomorrow I don’t regret what I did today
God help us

Tonight

2011-05-17T23:32:00.001+07:00

Tonight is your last night
be together with our family
sleep in familiar bed
and chatting with familiar faces

Tonight, seems like other night
we play and chat like tomorrow is nothing
we act and do our things like usual
but tomorrow you will not be here

Tonight, although no one make a farewell party
no eat out or any particular special meal
no celebration whatsoever
we all know tomorrow is a big day to you

I pray for you, my brother
so you be safe out there
enjoy yourself
and return to us as a winner

may our part be part of God’s plan
for you to be great in future
and may you always have faith in Jesus Christ
so that He always beside you

so sleep tonight
peacefully
and tomorrow
let Time decide what to do

one more

2011-05-14T08:10:00.001+07:00

Today mark one more
One more years added
Added to you life tally

It doesn’t only add your age
but also your wisdom
and also your prosperity

I can’t give much for now
constraint by my own limit
I can only give my prayer to you

I pray that you could live happily
live the life to the fullest
without worried about tomorrow

I pray for your health be great
so you could run your live enthusiastically
and never you could stay in bed of tiredness

I pray for you spirit be held up
never care in others critics
and always hold your faith

I pray for your daily life
so you will always never face unsolved problem
any job will be guided by our Lord’s unseen hands

I pray that you will never lose your smile
so you will smile of happiness
and I hope I can bring that smile to you

Oh, my Beloved
may Our Lord bestow His Grace to you
so that you will be happy and prospered

we are whores

2011-04-23T09:18:00.001+07:00

We are whores
whore to our time
whore to our live
whore to ourselves

We entitled to do our job
Without knowing when we will be free
and we still do our enslavement
with big smile on our face

we are enslaved
by our necessity
by our needs
by our desire

we are whores, whores to our life
where we enjoy being punished
to enjoy petty rewards
petty rewards we seek all out life

never we feel true freedom
never when we still enslaved in this system
a system that crafted by our own hand
a true freedom we can’t never have

so we enslave ourselves
with whores
to do all the chores
everything, by ourselves

silent victory

2011-03-07T09:06:00.000+07:00

unknown to the world
but to one's heart
unposted in any wall
but to one's mind

we know we are win
but lost to the eyes of the world
no matter how sure are you
we still losing to the world

we are winner at heart
loser at reality
we are victor at mind
sucker in stage of the world

p.s. don't worry yul, you are the true winner anyway

i bet everything

2011-02-25T11:28:00.000+07:00

i bet my time to all of them
although some do not worth my time
although sometime i feel i want some rest
although sometime i want to vomit at their disgusting attitude
but i still bet my time to all of them

i bet my hope to all of them
although almost none reach my expectation
although one of them almost crack open
although half of them make me scare out of my skin
but i still bet my hope to all of them

i bet my comfort to all of them
my anxiety drive my on my thumb all the time
my fear make me jumpy at every corner
my anger almost make me lose control
but i still bet my comfort to all of them

dear God, help them
help them all
none must failed
i don't care who or what they were
just... save them all

am i worry for nothing

2011-02-07T10:18:00.000+07:00

am i worry for nothing?
since you all think nothing of it

am i a fool to keep asking you to study?
since you don't even care

should i mad at you guys?
complaining and pestering without knowing the real deal?

should i be silent?
so you have more time to learn

or should i always give order?
so you will be constantly reminded?

should i leave you all?
so you can fall into your misery alone

or should i stick you guys?
so i can comfort you when all is lost

no matter how hard i want you all to pass
all i can do hope for it

whether you care for yourself or not
is no longer concern me

am i so over about you guys?
so i can leave you to live or die as you wishes

do i even need to care?
since you don't even care

3 moon

2011-01-17T11:02:00.000+07:00

3 moon cycles have passed
under the same sun and same moon
we have been together
for 3 moon cycles

in those 3 cycles but i feel like 36 cycles
how i feel we already know for a long time
time that if counted only last 3 cycles of moon
but we do feel much monger than that

we have travel together
solve problem together
have fun together
and mad at each other

what don't destroy you only make you stronger
that what i feel
many problems splashes into our face
but we stay strong

the longer i knew her
the more i want to make her happy
fulfill all her needs
and make her always smile

God, aid me
aid us, guide us
to find Your path
to what end you wish to see

rainy monday

2011-01-10T13:13:00.000+07:00

why must today when its raining
when i must travel to deliver kids to their employer
why must today when its raining
when i'm eating a new and urgent task appear
why must today when its raining

God... make me strong

long travel

2011-01-10T13:11:00.000+07:00

a long travel i had last year
along with love one i been together
going somewhere i never been step
with anxiety and excitement all in a keep

i travel to city and village alike in sun and rain
i feel enjoyment to smile and sadness to pain
i travel in both car to sleep and train to hunger
to reach destinations beyond even 5 leaves clover

//cilacap\\
a small town without interest
but this town is where she was blessed
a town where all here love ones stay
a town so close to city and a bay

//ambarawa\\
may i give thanks always to God
to have me travel to journey to the Lord
although i just buy a cross and 2 figure
i am hoping i could stay there more

//jogja\\
a place tweak my interest most
cheap stuff and fun things is the host
too bad i couldn't stay longer
i can't imagine how i will spend there

only you

2010-12-20T17:29:00.000+07:00

only you
i can't sleep without thinking of make you warm
i can't eat without imagining of sharing with you
i can't relax without wishing on your presence here

only you
how i miss you every second i don't see you
how i long to hug you tightly
how i wish to smell you fragrant hair

only you
how i want to hear your breath
how i want yo feel your touch
how i want to see your smile

only you
its funny when a stranger become my world
its funny when a nobody will become my everything
its funny when a distant will become my closest

only you
make me calm when i have trouble
make me happy when i disturbed
make me serene when i annoyed

only you
only you who can make me feel like this
only you who i want to spend my whole life with
only you who i wish to forever in love with

what am i?

2010-12-20T17:15:00.000+07:00

What am i?
till you love me so much my lord
what am i?

what am i?
till you give me a family that love me
what am i?

what am i?
till you give me brain to teach other brains
what am i?

what am i?
till you give me a job i love
what am i?

what am i?
till you let me met my love
what am i?

what am i?
till you love me so much my lord
what am i?

what am i?
you still love me although i often ache Your heart
what am i?

difference

2010-12-16T10:02:00.000+07:00

there are difference
between 1 and 2

1 is a single number
2 are more than one

1 is lonely soul
2 are soul mates

1 is sad
2 are happy

1 is gloomy
2 are smily

1 is always half empty
2 are always half full

1 is silent
2 are sharing

1 is walking
2 is running

1 is egoist
2 are sharing

there are difference
between 1 and 2

although is so close
between 1 and 2

sleepy head

2010-12-12T11:24:00.000+07:00

51 heads drowsy in sync and a tune
sway left to right like watching a dune

listened to muttered word like a doll
all of head thinking why i don't go to mall

dizzy and sleepy all lies in the head
hoping we all could lie in the mat

time ticking away please he haste
hope we will be free at last from this maze

rain

2010-12-04T08:55:00.000+07:00

rainy season
filled with heavy rain
rain in the morning
also rain the evening

rain bring wind
string wind
to blow the rain
creating storm

when storm came
thunder and lightning arrive
roaring to their heart's content
making us cower for shelter

but no matter how heavy is the rain
no matter how strong is the storm
no matter how scary the thunder and lightning
they will pass one moment

zephyr will blow to calm our heart
sun will warm our soul
cloud will soothe our body
rainbow will relax our mind

no matter how hard the situation now
if we hold on to our belief
they will all pass
and moment of joy will arrive

dont

2010-12-02T08:40:00.000+07:00

don't frown like murky water
full with dirt and swirl garbages
but smile like clear waterways
full with jewel like shines and dancing fishes

don't sad like bleak sky
filled with black cloud and strong wind
but happy like clear day
filled with sunshine and zephyr

don't cry like black forest
dry trees and red-eyed creature in all corner
but laugh like open plains
fresh grass and tame animal in all sight

don't weak like dead house
creaking door and dust everywhere
but be strong like lively place
bright light and voice everywhere

don't be let down like a requiem
sad and sorrow tone
but be always high spirit like a mars
strong and tough tone

i want a lot of thing

2010-11-30T17:38:00.000+07:00

i want a lot of things
so may things i wonder
when or how in the world i will get that
i want a lot of things

i want a new laptop
to change my oldie alexia
i want a new house
bigger than my own now
i want a vacation
to far places i never been
i want ps3
to play to my heart content
i want a car
so i could learn to drive it
i want a better paid jobs
so i could have more money
i want i want i want
so so so so many things

but i wonder...
should i chase those stuff?

dear God,
i know i shouldn't chase worldly stuff
because they are a fleet of moment
where You are eternal

please teach me to satisfied
with all i have

i still have alexia
old but trusty
i have my house
with my personal room
i have my vacation
at least i'm not held in one place
i have ps2 and celya
and many other games i even not yet touch
i have my strong feet
to bring me anywhere i want
i have a wonderful job
and plenty time to earn more

Dear God, help me to feel satisfied
because i believe you will give more
to those who never give up
and work hard to reach satisfaction

give thanks

2010-11-26T11:34:00.001+07:00

i am not strongly physical
i am weak and fat
but i offer my thanks to you Lord
because i still stay healthy until today

i am not able to do much
let it biking or swimming
but i offer my thanks to you Lord
because i able to make programs and create poems and play

i am not rich
nor i earn much
but i offer my thanks to you Lord
because i still able to feed myself and enjoying life

i am not friendly
i envy people who have relation so vast
but i offer my thanks to you Lord
because i still have friend who treats me well not because what i have

i have a pathetic job
lots of work, minimum paid and almost care from employer
but i offer my thanks to you Lord
because i still have job that i love

and finally
i give thanks to you Lord
i have my wify who i love and who love me back
that is my miracle and i really hope you will guide our hands

and help us Lord
guide our hand
to walk your beautiful hand
to the end you saw

and always learn to give thanks all the time

am i too arrogant?

2010-11-26T08:11:00.002+07:00

i have achieve the highest level
i have become too arrogant to that achievement
maybe too arrogant i forget my original value
i forget to say thanks for it

i just receive a small gratitude from the people i struggle for
not even thanks until today
but at least i receive something
not nothing

i should thanks for that
although it is far from my expectation
although it is not of my hope
but still i have something

i should thank my wify
i still able to get support
the one i really need
for me to stand tall

God, please help me
and show me the way
i am blind and lost
without your guidance

teacher's day

2010-11-26T08:05:00.000+07:00

25 November, national teacher's day
a day specially designed to celebrate teacher throughout the country
but what to celebrate? why should celebrate?
three years i teach, i wonder why should we celebrate?

we are called heroes
without badges and honorary star
but actually we are second class people
without rewards and honor

people said that teacher are noble job
but without any nobility
people said be anything but teacher
but encourage teacher being amazing job

we are winner
but we only get consolation prize
we are the front row
but we are called the last

sometimes i wonder
i wonder of my own resolution
my own commitment
should i keep move on this path

teacher is hard
but this is harsh
teacher are part of society nonetheless
but we still second rate in their eyes

so why i wonder
we should celebrate teacher's day
well every other day we celebrate society's day
why i wonder

but we still need to teach nonetheless
our call is strong in our vein
no matter how hard and harsh it is
we still teach nonetheless

we are bound to get something
something at least
our hard work will be payed
one day... some other day

my absence

2010-11-22T08:59:00.000+07:00

my absence
my leave
left me with mountain of jobs
oh dear

at school
debating waiting in 2 days
where i must prepare them to battle
to war, can i finish it?

still at school
Christmas already near
and no visible preparation are made
oh dear, can i finish it?

still at school
atra legio movie
already left with so many unanswered
oh dear, can i finish it?

at kaskus
Univerto my personal dream project
which already become a big team
oh dear, can i finish it

still at kaskus
my daily question
without any changing in 2 weeks
oh dear, let's get it on

so many things to do
so little time
hmmm
let's do it!!!!!!

i still sick

2010-11-18T07:28:00.000+07:00

no matter how much i wish i could rise and shine
no matter how much i want to laugh or sing
no matter how much i want to run and stroll
no matter how much i want to have a sound sleep

i still sick
God, please heal me...

thanks for everything

2010-11-14T15:09:00.000+07:00

today is my 24th birthday
i thought today will be like every other day
just a day...
sunday, go to church, fitness, karaoke

but you made my day
a usual day into wonderful day
a wonderful day into beautiful day
a beautiful day into unforgettable day

thanks for everything my beloved wify
for everything you done
although sloppy and plan-less
but still i feel utmost joy

i shout to the lord the day i meet you
i am the luckiest man in the world
having you by my side
may God's name be glorified forever!

am i at fault?

2010-11-12T12:48:00.000+07:00

am i at fault?
i asked that question
many time before
but this time in in different level

am i at fault?
so that they become this wild?
am i at fault?
so that they become this brutal?

am i failed?
am i at fault?
i wonder should i change?
should i strict?

not a moment pass

2010-11-11T10:46:00.000+07:00

not a moment pass
i don't think about you
remembering how your hair smell
how you smile widely

not a moment pass
i don't think about you
how you cook for me
and how you calm my soul

not a moment pass
i don't think about you
when i eat i want to share it with you
when i sleep i want you beside me

not a moment pass
i don't think about you
when i work i think how your work
and pray you didn't make any sloppy mistake

not a moment pass
i don't think about you
when i have matters in mind
i wish i could discuss it with you

not a moment pass
i don't think about you
even in my dream
i wish to see you there

you have become me world
my heart
my soul
me self

not a moment pass
when i think about you
i wonder
do you think about me as well

after so long

2010-11-09T18:25:00.000+07:00

after many days
many hidden irks
many sweats
many hard work

it pays today
at the perfect moment
at the best possible moment
thanks God!!

incomplete

2010-11-08T12:23:00.000+07:00

right without left is incomplete
sun without moon is incomplete
light without darkness is incomplete
north without south is incomplete
prey without predator is incomplete
strings without synch is incomplete
sopran without tenor is incomplete
tree without leaves is incomplete
machine without gear is incomplete
man without woman is incomplete
i without you is incomplete

i feel incomplete without you
even for a few hours

path's divergence

2010-11-06T19:49:00.000+07:00

my path are clear
and obscure at the same time
my path are clear?
or obscure? i don't know

every paths have their own strengths
every paths have their own weaknesses
every paths have their own opportunities
every paths have their own threats

i am in the path's divergence
which path should i take
My Lord, Jesus Christ
help me and guide me

should i stick to original plan
crafting my future by my original plan
wait for opportunities to rise
to bring me and her to new height?

or should i be vigilantes
and craft everything from zero
making my own home early
with many difficulties ahead?

should i change my job to a better payed
and support us as a strong pillar
and missing my teaching days
with jealousy seeing my old school?

should i ask my parents for aid
to creating my house earlier
with facing their own mind
and chances being rejected totally?

should i move
to another place
where i begin everything from nothing
hope for the best God provide?

should i ask for my employer's aid
by asking rewards for my dedication
with chances they will put me back at school
or it might another day to paradise?

God, i don't know
please guide me
guide us
for we are lost without You

my deepest gratitude

2010-11-04T14:54:00.000+07:00

this year
You have give me a lot
more than i imagine
You give me anyway

when i worried of my school first exams
You give me way
and you let all of my beloved children pass
no one was left behind

and i thank You for that
only You who can make some children
with lack of brain, or lack of attitude
who can make them all pass

when i was threatened to live without home
you give me a house
a house that have a potential
potential to be new playground

and i thank You for that
only You can make me found that place
although i'm weak and poor
You make me wealthy and content

when i was left by my soul
You let me meet my queen
who i believe will forever be my queen
may her be my last

and i thank You for that
only You who can heal my heart
to believe and love once again
You make me whole once again

when i worried about my school
You give the best score
if i am only satisfied with B
You give an A

and i thank You for that
only You who can lift my school
my career and my work up to the sky
this i present as Your Glory

in the end
i Thank You for always being here with me
although i am not always a good believer
but i Thank You, my deepest gratitude

GLORY TO THE NAME OF GOD!

transformation

2010-11-04T08:28:00.000+07:00

a ugly duckling
a beauty in disguise
caterpillar
a magnificent hiding in a shell

they might be ugly now
unsightly
but they will transform
to incredible sight

the ugly duckling will transform
into translucent swan
spread their wide wings
and glittering under the sun

the caterpillar will transform
into graceful butterfly
colorful and shining
dancing freely in the sky

and you too
will transform
to more beautiful than you are now
so don't worry, i know the real beauty inside you

equality equals more than equal

2010-11-03T07:49:00.000+07:00

when a number stand alone
it just there
never change
never move

when they are two numbers
they just there
only move back and forth
do not create anything

but when they are a sign
with plus they can add themselves
created a new number
created a new height

but better with a multiple
together they can multiple themselves
to reach another higher ground
together to have more

its just like you and me
alone we are nothing
but together
we can reach a higher ground

like i am your power
the power to pass the days
the strength to face future
and sunshine to warm your heart

you are my energy
the energy to run through tasks
the tenacity to go further
and moonlight to calm my soul

together, we will make a new whole
a new whole world
where we are no longer a single number
but have the capacity to create an infinite result

you are my equals
as i am yours equal
both of us equals
but the equality of us equals more than equal

may God also see this as His beautiful plan
may God take both our hand
and bring us to His path
to light of the brighter future

after a long long time

2010-11-02T15:47:00.000+07:00

after a long long time
i can write again

its only 5 hours
for me its like 5 days

how i long to write here
to express my feeling

my feeling of tired
of sickness but still need to teach

my feeling of loneliness
when i can't talk to her

my feeling of boredom
when i can't continue my game

after a long long time
i can write here again....

tiring and boresome

2010-11-01T17:29:00.000+07:00

today is truly tiring
i'm fatigue beyond me
today is truly boresome
kinda lose my energy

am i get some sickness
i hope not, teacher must not sick
am i miss her to ache
i sure hope not, i don't want her as my downfall

maybe today i'm just tired
i hope i can regain my power
once tonight i meet her
because you are my power, my beloved queen

everything about you

2010-11-01T08:22:00.000+07:00

together with you
is like living in endless time
time of joy and time of happiness
no mind about live and all its problem

being with you
is bliss in the garden
i feel calm holding you
nothing else is matter

oh time, why you must walk
when i having my joy
when i having my peace
why should you walk?

time run slower when i'm missing you
in my brain, heart and soul
longing just to see you
oh, how i miss you

in world time, it just couple of hour
but being with you seems like minutes
so fast i don't realize
what happens around me and you

its true world seems belong to us
when i am with you
everything about you
making me forget that world is round

sun will come

2010-10-29T08:01:00.000+07:00

storm brew in distance
heavy rain on our head
hard water pierce our skin
thunder and lightning play above us

black sky rumbling like angry sea
wind blow strong like a mad
earth cries, beast howl, human cowers
all hides in fear, waiting them to pass

but no matter how terrible the weather
Sun will come, rise and shine
calming us with his graceful light
warming us from inside

no matter how hard the situation
things will get better
calming our soul and warming our heart
because we know, God is here for us

how i want to be with you now

2010-10-28T14:03:00.000+07:00

how i want to be with you now
to calm you and ease your stress
to caress your silky hair
to make you sure everything's okay

how i want to be with you
to be a shoulder for you to lean and cry
to be an ear for you to tell your agony
to make you feel at peace

how i want to be with you
now...
but what i can do now
is just pray for you

May God make you strong
May God make you at peace
how i want to be with you
God, make me there, to my self

fleeting time

2010-10-28T11:51:00.003+07:00

it just a moment
just 3 hours
only a small time gap
just a fleeting time

but along the time
along that short time
my mind fly to you all the time
and pray for that fleeting time to run faster

i longed to chat with you
longed to hear your word
miss you all the time
and wish i weren't here but be with you

but be patient
it's just a moment
a small gap
just a fleeting time

once its over
i will fly to you again
just to be with you
just with you

sand....

2010-10-27T16:15:00.000+07:00

sand
there are everywhere
under your feet
spread to horizon

uncountable
unmeasurable
unnoticed
unseen

they are not salt
who are useful
and able to spread taste
to any food

they are not light
who are useful
and able to shine through
any shadow and darkness

but its just sand
a wide sand
silent sand
just a sand

but sand with water could hold strong
as strong to create sky scraper
but sand with water could hold tight
as tight as mud on our leg

so sand
like human
they are a lot
but stick them together and they are strong

brand new day

2010-10-27T07:43:00.000+07:00

yesterday is yesterday
what happen yesterday is shaping us today
and what happen today will shaped us tomorrow
all we can do is move on

yesterday we are fighting for the first time
we both are at fault
i am too selfish
you are too moody

but as old saying
what didn't destroy a couple
will make the couple stronger
reconcile with you make me love you more

but today is a new day
let us face it together with a smile
although the sky look nasty
but with you, we will run!

May God guide us
through the path He planned
hold our hands together
and bring us to a bright place

how can it happen?

2010-10-26T14:05:00.000+07:00

how can it happened?
i don't really comprehend
my mind in tornado
i can't think clearly

one moment everything was perfect
one moment all seems alright
but with one ripple, just one
all changed...

i wish i could turn back time
to see what i did to create this
my mind can't think straight
my heart howl and ache

is this my mistake?
if it is, i apologized
i couldn't take back my words
but show me how i can mend it

i know i am not yet worthy
i have low self-confidence
i even can't ride a thing
and rely on you to take me everywhere

its okay you mad at me
but please don't torture me
tell me the reason
and i'll find a way to mend it

you are the best thing that even happened in my life
i don't want to lose it for even a second
i already hurt too much
i can't take another torture

God, please tell me what should i do
i am blind and deaf
i am unable to do anything
i am lost, guide me, guide me back to light

reality of dream

2010-10-26T08:34:00.001+07:00

reality is harsh
dream are beautiful
most people who have harsh reality
runaway to dream where they can relax

me?
i have a dream like reality
a dream who is more beautiful than any dreams
a dream who transcend into my reality

she has become my dream and reality
my life have have transform to a place i never imagine
no longer dull desert or boring lifestyle
my sky fill with color and flowers fill the horizon

she is my dream
she is my reality
she is both my dream and reality
and thus, she is my life

a bad start?

2010-10-25T15:55:00.000+07:00

i wish for 10 slides consecutively without failed
i reach 7 slides not consecutively

is this a bad start?
God.... I can't do this

but you make me try for it
me in the past wouldn't even try

you make me pass 7 slide
me in the past wouldn't move even a bit

you make me pass all of it without visible harms
me in the past would fall in the instance

is it a bad start?
at least i achieve something i didn't dare to even dream of

for me...
it is a good start

You are my miracle

2010-10-25T07:34:00.005+07:00

i Believe in God
i Believe in His mercy and greatness
But like Thomas, the apostle
i am a skeptical believer

until i am myself felt God's Hand
interfere with my life
once when i was called to be His son
2nd when i found my self

You are my miracles
a woman sent by God just for me
and as i am
the only one created just for you

being my miracles
i will cherish you with all of me
i might have nothing to give to you
but i will give all i have

i don't care what were you
what have you done
what i know now is you are a star in my life
and i love you more than i can write

i hope i could be your miracle
to bring you to light
i hope i can shield you from heat and cold
i hope i could be a man worthy for your love

i might not always by your side
to calm you when you afraid
to ease you stress or pain
but i will always close to you

May God show us the way
May God always watch over us
May God always give us aid
This is Our Prayer

its nerve wrecking

2010-10-23T08:14:00.000+07:00

last night was
nerve wrecking
doki doki time
anxiety and excitement into one

i hope you feel the same
because i fear of their response
i afraid they wont like you
i don't want to think what should i do if that happened

but my fear is baseless
it looks fine
you look charming as usual
i shouldn't fear

both of them give us lotsa advice
so it's our end to keep up with their expectation
but with you by my side
i don't thinks its a matter at all

thanks for calming my soul

2010-10-22T10:45:00.001+07:00

my soul easy to stir
a drop can turn into tornado
inside my soul

i feel anxiety all the time
i feel worried easily
i have negative thinking

i realize that
and i sad because of that
but no more

i have God to help me
ease my anxiety
erase my worried

and i have my queen
who be there to make me sure
to make me feel i can reach anything

thanks God
for letting me have my queen
and thanks Regina, my Beloved Queen

what is this anxiety

2010-10-22T08:24:00.000+07:00

what is this anxiety i fell?
what is it?
since last night this feeling haunt me
like a large shadow chasing after my steps

when i want to fall deeper into love
my mind told me to stop
"do you really want to get hurt once more?"
"you can't survive, you won't survive"

i worried
i want to fall immensely in love
to give my whole self
but i also realize, i can't take another destroy

my heart already in tattered
broken like glass
i only managed to assemble by glue
its still breakable

so what is this anxiety i feel
do i feel if i give myself to her
i will be dissapointed?
do i don't trust her completely?

my other mind told me to let time decide
but i afraid time will betray me
time make my love deeper
when i reach the point of no return, time betray me

by day... by hour
by minutes... by seconds
my love grow
without me realizing

am i afraid?

but this morning
my anxiety defeated by my worries
I'm to worried for her to feel this anxiety
in the end, i do love her more that my anxiety

whatever happens in the future
i try not to think about it
if i must destroyed for the third time
so be it

what i want more now is to be with her
to give my whole self to her
try to be the best for her
and being someone worth of her

i will let God and time to decide
may God have mercy on us
i don't know Your plan
but i believe all your plans have happy ending

waiting

2010-10-21T14:55:00.002+07:00

i hate waiting
especially waiting for someone i love
the time stretch to unbelievable elasticity

but when they finally come
do i feel tired, angry?
no, she is worth waiting for

my world

2010-10-21T12:58:00.000+07:00

it's funny when someone
someone stranger at first
become the world now
it's funny

you are my sun
the one who brighten my day
bring spirit to my life
and cultivate energy into me

you are my rain
the one who wash all my worries
bring cool to my heated mind
and sprinkle joy to my stress

you are my rainbow
the one who make my life colorful
bring excitement to my dull life
and sparks to my my own eyes

you are my star
the one who calm my soul
bring soothing and make me relax
to be my own self with you

you are my world
you are my universe
and i Thank God for that
for letting me to have you as my queen

Time

2010-10-20T15:09:00.000+07:00

Time, please run faster
when she's not here
you walk so slow when she's not here
1 seconds seems like a minute

time, please stop
when i'm with her
you run too fast when she's with me
1 hours seems like a minute

Mea Regina

2010-10-19T12:35:00.004+07:00

from the beginning i know you
i know you are attractive to me
attract me in more than one way
till now you are my queen

when i awake i think about you
when i work my soul fly to see you
when i relax i wonder what are you doing
when i sleep i dreams about you

not a moment pass that i don't longed to hear your laugh
not a prayer pass that i don't remember you
how much i longed to see you
or just to speak with you

how much i want to achieve with you
how long the list i want to do with you
i prefer to spend time with you
don't want to throw my time alone anymore

Dear God, thanks for letting me
to encounter her
to walk to the mist of future
to see the beautiful soul before me

Please God, hold both our hands
guide me and her towards your Plan
i give all my hopes to You to guide
may Your name be glorified by this

i walk into the mist anyway

2010-10-17T14:40:00.001+07:00

in the end i walk into the mist anyway
conflicting with myself
whether to walk away or walk inside
and i walk into the mist anyway

inside the mist, it's so white
i'm blind
no longer see my hand, my feet
my path back or my path forth

inside the mist, it's so white
i'm deaf
no longer hear my own voice, my breath
my steps in silent inside that mist

i might fall, i might lost
i might run back, i might pass through the mist
whatever happened... happen by Your plan
i just ask for 1 thing, when i fall, help me on my feet again

walking into mist

2010-10-16T18:31:00.001+07:00

The mist is thick
i might stumble inside
i might also see the sunlight in the horizon
i might also lost in mist and find me back to square one

whatever i will face inside the mist
i will walk anyway...
Dear God, guide my way
i am blind without you

God, Must I?

2010-10-15T15:08:00.001+07:00

must i?
must I?
should i?
should I?

man....
this is nerve wrecking
is this a test?
Dear Father in Heaven

What are Your plans?

2010-10-14T14:35:00.001+07:00

what are Your plan
i can't comprehend at all
you play me and my world
at Your whim

is it is truly my self?
or it just a mirage of obscure truth
if it is....
guide me, guide me to find my self

a tiny drop of joy

2010-10-14T08:36:00.000+07:00

in the vast and black sea
unknown to light
nor to wind
stand still in the shadow of time

a drop from unknown sky fall in
a drop of a fairy
known as joy
to bring light and wind to the sea

the black sea is now no longer black
and the air feel soft and sweet
all because a drop of a fairy
but still it's a drop

when it's rain
then i know
the smudge and mist will clear out
now i only see a drop

do i know when then rain will fall?
how wish i know the answer
longed for blissful rain of joy
to wash all my anxiety and worried

dull days

2010-10-13T09:57:00.001+07:00

I'm so tired being here
travel this life alone...
walk to same road everyday
sit alone on the corner of the street

how long i wish for a change
a change of those of the past
when i have wings
and fly wherever i want

such dull days
tiring my body and my soul
i hope today will change for me
what changes do i expect?

for one still clinging to the past such as me?
am i expecting future with giddiness of a child?
or glance at future possibilities with utmost prejudice?
i don't know, when i know... i'll know

when a man loves a woman

2010-10-12T16:46:00.001+07:00

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'd trade the world
For a good thing he's found.
If she is bad, he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he puts her down.

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Trying to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said it ought to be...

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Trying to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comforts
Sleep out in the rain
If she said it ought to be...

taken from percy sledge / gregorian song

VbCrLf, my pride and beloved children

2010-10-10T18:23:00.001+07:00

today, 10 of 10 of 10
VbCrLf, a team i considered my children
the pride of my work
disband to create another team

this is my tribute to you all
for being there always
to learn everything you can
and for being a team that i proud of

Galang NRA, your name so long i don't quite remember
you are the leader of this team
why, i forget at first
but you have grow into quite a leader

my advice to you
always at constant vigilance
you will be faced with the world
all your decision will decide not yours but all teams' fate

be always knowing your weakness and your strength
know your teammates' weaknesses and strengths
learn all opportunity and threats
and climb to a level you never see

Putri Wulandari, a strong figure of mature lady
you are the 'mother' figure of the team
may you realize or not
many of team member relies on you

my advice to you
be always ready to grasp any condition
adapt to them quickly and judge what you must do
you may face difficulties, but i believe you can pass through everything

learn off your teammates personality
support them to walk together to higher plane
stop them if the stray away
and be ready to control their madness attitude without losing your sanity

Billy Junaedi, a strong and self-motivator
your are life of the team
the one bring the team to higher spirit
the spirit of never give up

my advice to you,
you are emotionally weakest
don't lose to your own temper
temperance is the mother of destruction after all

your have the potential to be an amazing IT practitioner
be friendly and don't be easy to be lit by anger
sometimes it just a play between friend
don't considered it so serious

Bagus Iman, the natural motivator
you are new in the team
but you create a new color
the color of fun spirited

my advice to you,
know your time
when to study and when to NOT study
don't always mixed them together

a mature world don't tolerate childish behavior as much as i do
but stay true to your self
you have a beautiful soul, don't lose it
so learn to control the time, and the time will be yours to command

Nurharsima, the child of the team
the mood of all team
all begin and ended with you
the breath of life to the rest

my advice to you,
learn to control your own mood
don't be defeated by yourself
since you are strong

when you learn to control yourself
control other with be cinch for you
a talented natural leader as yourself
a grand future i foresee for you, grab it by your own hand

Agatha Isra' Bayu, the weakest link of the team
but nonetheless a link that as important as everyone else
a rose in the middle of code desert
an inspirational gifted

my advice to you,
learn to prioritize which is good for you
since your 'baka'-ness is quite hard to overcome
learn which path is good for your own self

i can only pray for your succeed
by always happy whatever happen
don't your your cool and smile
and ready to face any ordeal prepared along the harsh road

Fredian Simanjuntak, the talented mind
one of the most beautiful brain i ever found
you grasp fast and apply faster
the world of knowledge call for your name

my advice to you,
know your place and always climb higher
you have potential to reach the tops
never stop before you reach there

never satisfied with what you know now
you are fools before your learn something new every day
be the lord of the world of knowledge
don't fear, you can and you shall

Rochmat Hidayattullah, a cloud bound by nothing
you are a problematic kid of the bunch
come and go whenever you please
but i see great potential in you

my advice to you,
try not to play all the time
and chase the knowledge to the sky
you can fly if you want to

fly and fly further than you imagine
and see for yourself, what is the view when you fly
the ecstasy of learning
but beware not to fall down and ready to rise again if you fall

Ade Wati, the youngest member in the team
you are too reserved for your own good
learn to love yourself and love the knowledge
then the knowledge will love you back

my advice to you,
don't hide from knowledge
since knowledge will hide for you
chase them and make them yours

step forward to the light
and see the light and all its glory
learn to run, jump and fly higher
and the world will smile back to you

that's all i can pray for you
may you all will surpass me in every corner of the world
that will be my true happiness
and my pride

missing something?

2010-10-09T12:29:00.000+07:00

hmm, i wonder
do i miss something?

looking for something
a hole in my heart

a small hole
but a hole nonetheless

just a little hole
but still i notice it

but what?
do i know it?

or i don't to admit?
i wonder

God, show me a path
what must i do?

i wonder, is this a way i must take?
or this is just a scrape of bigger road?

but now, i do missing something
do i really miss her that much?

i wonder
God, please calm my soul...

do i regret?

2010-10-09T07:43:00.001+07:00

after all this time
i try to forget
all the beautiful memories
do i regret now?

what is this feeling i feel?
i thought i have resolute myself
to forget everything
no more pains i experienced

after she is gone
and she might disappeared from my life
do i regret?
to not see her 1 last time

do i regret?
or else am i angry to myself
to not seeing her one last time
for my own mistake?

i don't now, anyway....
she is gone now
and she have create her own path
away from me, so far as the world

i should move on too
move without seeing my past anymore
to create my new path
where me self will be waiting somewhere

in a few more moments

2010-10-08T08:53:00.000+07:00

in a few more moments
you will not be a young girl anymore
you will be a woman
ready to face all life in the system we called world

all i can do is pray
pray for your future will be bright
pray that you still can enjoy girl's life sometimes
pray that the world don't consume you whole

in a few more moments
you will not be lonely anymore
you will have a partner for life
a partner that will never desert you no matter what

all i can do is pray
pray that you will be together all the time
to cross the sky, sea and desert
and you will never be lonely anymore

in a few more moments
you will be blessed with a mystery
a mystery of creation by our Father
that could revealed to you any moment

all i can do is pray
if God see it fit, a great mother you shall be
a filial and faithful shall adorned your children
and might they become a prize when you are aging

in a few more moments
you will be blessed with a new family
your own family to take care to
and love to

all i can do is pray
may your family loved you in return
may your smiling face bestowed peace
may you be sun and rain for you and your family

P.S.
lain kali kasih tahu sebulan sebelumnya dunk
dasar kathie-motou. ternyata ente duluan... cheh
doain aku juga bisa cepetan juga yach.

do boundary obstruct love?

2010-10-07T12:13:00.001+07:00

do boundary obstruct love?
i wonder
do love can't be lost if there are boundary?
i really wonder

do love can be loosen by boundary of distance?
i wonder
do love can be stronger if their distance are minimum?
i really wonder

do love can be loosen by boundary of age?
i wonder
do love can be stronger if their age similar?
i really wonder

do love can be loosen by boundary of religion?
i wonder
do love can be stronger if their belief are same?
i really wonder

do love can be loosen by boundary of status?
i wonder
do love can be stronger if their status are same?
i really wonder

do love can be loosen by boundary of language?
i wonder
do love can be stronger if their tongue are same?
i really wonder

do love can be loosen by boundary of family dispute?
i wonder
do love can be stronger if their families are tightly friends?
i really wonder

do love can be loosen by boundary of caste?
i wonder
do love can be stronger if their caste are same?
i really wonder

do love can be loosen by boundary of wealth?
i wonder
do love can be stronger if their banknote are same?
i really wonder

do love can be loosen by boundary of something?
i wonder
do love can be stronger if that something aren't exist?
i really wonder

do love really are that weak?
i wonder
or do love are that strong?
i really wonder

do love need reason

2010-10-07T11:23:00.002+07:00

do love need reason?
i wonder
do love someone else more than ourselves need a reason?
i really wonder

do you love someone because they are attractive?
i wonder
what happen when they are not attractive anymore?
i really wonder

do you love someone because they are kind?
i wonder
what happen when they are not kind anymore?
i really wonder

do you love someone because they are pious?
i wonder
what happen when they are not pious anymore?
i really wonder

do you love someone because they are rich?
i wonder
what happen when they are not rich anymore
i really wonder

do you love someone because they are strong?
i wonder
what happen when they are not strong anymore?
i really wonder

do you love someone because they are noble?
i wonder
what happen when they are not noble anymore?
i really wonder

do you love someone because they are smart?
i wonder
what happen when they are not smart anymore?
i really wonder

do you love someone because they are something?
i wonder
what happen when they are not something anymore?
i really wonder

so i wonder
do love need reason?
do i need a reason to love someone?
i wonder, i really wonder

i'm asking why

2010-10-07T11:19:00.003+07:00

I was childish and unfair
To you, my only friend
I regret, but now it's too late

I can't show you any more
The things I've learned from you
Cause life just took you away

I'm asking why
I'm asking why
Nobody gives an answer

But someday we'll meet again
And I'll ask you
I'll ask you why

Why it has to be like this
I'm asking you why
Please give me an answer

Many days and stupid fights
Till we accept to see
How it was and it'll always be

Why it has to be like this
Why we don't realize
Why we're apart, and unbridgeable ravine

I'm asking why
I'm asking why
you don't gives me an answer

I'm just asking why

its done!

2010-10-05T13:13:00.002+07:00

the harsh road
the thorny way
the scorching alley
but its done and i forget them all

the time of struggle
the hours of hard works
the seconds of stress
but its done and i forget them all

the grim situation
the ghastly warden
the cold sweats
but its done and i forget them all

now i just pray
so whatever happen
it happen for the best
and suitable for your eyes

with and without you

2010-09-29T09:55:00.004+07:00

days will pass
time will flow
life will run
with or without you

you will go to your path
as i will go to my path
in the end, life will run
with or without you

world didn't ended
earth didn't destroyed
life didn't stopped
with or without you

i will move on
with or without you
it doesn't matter anymore
since i am no longer care

i shall find my path
with or without you
where i will found my destiny
my soul and my self

The New Princess

2010-09-22T09:51:00.003+07:00

I fall in my own shadow
engulfed in sorrow
someone seized my heart
seized even the heartbeat

Why?
Why there is love?
the cursed, abominable thing?
gripping and chaining me?

She is casting shadows over me
towering, unreachable
looking at me, mockingly
make fun of me

I am cursed, bounded
I can't escape
I plead for mercy
I am drown in my suffering

But look...
the shadow is breaking
a soft light
like a new dawn breaking the night

those light gives me meaning
those light gives me hope
those light gives me spirit
those light gives me understanding

that the cursed one can be purified
that the chained one can be released
that mercy is not unattainable

that the one who lost a love
can still be loved

am i being stubborn or fools?

2010-09-21T16:42:00.002+07:00

am i being stubborn or fools?
i don't know
please tell me
if you know

2 class, 6 failed
a simple and easy task
even grade kid can do
6 failed

those 6 take remedial class
5 pass, 1 didn't
that 1 already tired, hungry
complain all the time

but i keep him in check
no matter how much complain he said in mouth or not
i keep him in check until he manage to do it by himself
until he finally got it

when he did it
no thanks, not even bye
i feel resent and hatred
to me, who more hungry, more headache and more tired than him

am i a fool
trying to be a good teacher who even the kid don't want
or i am being stubborn
who can't take my teaching method are no longer applicable in this class?

you tell, i'm too tired too think anymore

looking for myself

2010-09-18T14:29:00.002+07:00

looking for myself
looking for my self
it harder that finding other thing
i'm looking for my self

other people finding their selves quite fast
some faster thank blink of the eye
some slow, but the found it anyway
me, i thought i found it, bit i haven't

where is my self? i wonder
is me self hiding?
or unseen to my eyes?
or the time is not yet come?

i wonder where is my self
i need my self to become whole
since i only i
need my self to become myself

so, where is my self
i need it to so badly
patient is a virtue i know
but when my self appear?

do you know who your self?
do you know who my self?
i wonder who will be my self
to make me, myself

a new door opened

2010-09-16T12:07:00.003+07:00

the world is vast
so vast no mind can explore
so vast no time can conquer
so vast and so vivid and so far

i live in just a fragment of the world
a fragment to serve other fragment
and together to support a system
a system called world

every second...
every breath...
every heartbeat....
every cell....

just to support this system
I'm getting bored
I can't stand it anymore
tired of this circle

but a new door opened for me
just like all doors before it
a new doors just appear out of nowhere
so must i opened it cheerfully or not?

i wonder what lies upon that door
it sounds good and i like the sound
it looks nice and i like the view
but what sounds good and looks nice doesn't mean it is

so....
should i?
ah heck with it
just go and open it...

near yet so far

2010-09-06T12:41:00.002+07:00

today you are in front of me
but the wall seems so high and thick
yet you are in hand reach
and at the same time in different face of the earth

its been a while
my heart ache to see hold the feeling
the feeling i thought i lost
yet i stood silently

oh God, what should i do?
she is near yet so far
its sound cliche
but its rather hard in real time

our past seems like a distant memories
almost like a distant mirage
but now, the mirage seems real
and i almost can touch it

yet its near and so far
near in reach of hand
far in reach of heart
near and far....

like a stranger

2010-09-01T12:32:00.000+07:00

you are once my world
everything start with you
and everything donw for you
but now you like a stranger to me

you were once know me
and i know you
but now i don't know anymore
like a stranger i meet anyplace

i once tell you everything
i share all i know
but now i rarely speak to you
like a stranger we are now

i once can't stand a day without meeting you
my heart ache of missing you
but now i pass days alone
like a stranger on the bus

you were a world to me
but now you are a stranger
although you and i don't want to
we are not living in the past anymore

i had many promises to you
to take you to ducky
to bring you banana every week
to learn how to swim

but all that promises seems distant
like a mirage in a desert
blurring by the wind of time
a squall that make us like a stranger

i ache to think about past
i wish i could turn back time
i wish i could return to that time
and mend everything

but now is now
past is past
is no longer can't be mended
and now we're like a stranger

friends... but like a stranger....

drifting away

2010-08-26T12:42:00.000+07:00

like a coconut
when they fall from their nest
they fall to unending sea
just drifting away

my feeling now is drifting
in black and dark sea of nothingness
bubbling up and down
nowhere to go

like a kitten
blind to his world
only trust his mother
just drifting away

my feeling cling to old flame
like a moth chasing fire
oblivious to the simple truth
that the flame has turn into ember

like a rock
when the fall into sea
no eyes will gaze upon it
even if its the greatest jewel

my sinking feeling
turn away from surface
getting harder to recognize
as time flow and drifting away

fleeting feeling

2010-08-24T14:50:00.003+07:00

the feeling
the feeling i felt
this feeling i once held
this feeling once a world to me

sway by the wind
a zephyr
a slow, calm, soft wind
but a wind nonetheless

am i happy or sad with this
i have no idea
i don't know what future have in store for me
i don't even don't know whether i like it or not

but this feeling i have
start to sway in the wind
fleeting feeling
bit by bit, blow by calm and slow zephyr

teaching is hard

2010-08-23T13:41:00.002+07:00

teaching is hard
who says teaching is easy
no matter how smart one is
no matter ho experienced one is
teaching is hard

when student come
the come with various brain
some brain ready to learn
some brain not even want to be here
we must patient and embrace them all

when student come
they come with various situation
some situation pump them up
some situation make them down
we must patient and embrace them all

when student come
they come with different skill
some are skillful
some are skill-less
nonetheless, we must patient and embrace them all

when student leave
they leave us with another thought
thought of future meeting
whether they understand of not
nonetheless, we must patient and embrace them all

when student leave
their parents come
some parents bring joy
some parents bring scold
still, we must patient and embrace them all

when student leave
and leave us to rest
we think about ourselves
what should we do to gain food
still, we must patient and embrace them all

a small wind of change

2010-08-21T11:19:00.002+07:00

a small breeze coming from nowhere
a small wind of change
come to wash my agony
a bit by a bit

this wind might be small
and incomparable to my sadness
but at least its a start
a small wind of change

fly like bird

2010-08-20T13:44:00.001+07:00

i might have been a cage
blocking all your growth
fencing all your will
but i do it all to protect you

i might have been an iron chain
locking on your leg
slow you down in any way
but i do it because i want to be with you

i might have been a strict warden
look at you all the time
watch your every movement
but i do it because i don't want anything bad happened to you

but it's all useless now
how hard the cage
how strong the chain
how strict as i am

you have fly away
like a bird
soar to unseen sky
til i even can't catch any glimpse

you have gone...
leaving an empty cage
an useless chain
and a jobless warden

the cage is now rotten
the chain is now broken
the warden is now sacked
because there are nothing to protect

fly away
go and fly
i will stay here
just right here

if you someday, somehow
tiring of flying
and wish to see me again
you won't losing me

because i am standing here...

walking alone

2010-08-19T08:00:00.002+07:00

human are destined to walk in desert of life
sometimes they found other human to walk together
but most of the time they walk alone

some people only walk together
when they have any need or
there are benefits for them

human are such egoist...
maybe that's why God punish us
to walk alone til our death

it seems grim
but at least
people are like that

history

2010-08-17T12:46:00.003+07:00

when i see my past

i feel all of it again
it seems it just yesterday

my mistake
my joy

my laugh
my cry

our happiness
our sadness

i feel....
empty

what is it that i feel
i feel empty

like an empty can
like a hollow drum

like....
i am no longer exist...

i wish i died yesterday
stupid wish people may say

but...
i really wish for it now

perhaps in the future i might laugh of this poem
perhaps in the future... i don't even have one

OF ALL DAY!

i wish i died yesterday

2010-08-17T12:38:00.002+07:00

i wish i died yeasterday

yesterday and today
only 24 hour apart
only one cycle of earth
only 1 day

yesterday i feel hope
yesterday i feel i could do anything
yesterday i enjoy my live
yesterday i anticipated my future with smile

but today, OF ALL DAY!

today, i feel despair
today, i feel i can't do a single thing right
today, i hate my live
today, i feel my future is dead

how could everything change in one day?
am i that fragile? am i that pathetic?
perhaps... perhaps...
i am fragile, stupid, pathetic, useless

OF ALL DAY!!!!!!!!
why today
i hate myself more now
i do not with for myself anymore
i hate every breath i drew
why i still alive?
oh GOD, just take my lives away
i feel i can't do anything again
not after such pain
a pain that i prepared but never expecting
a pain that i always aware but never expierancing

it's too hurt
way too hurt
i can't bear to see, if it's meaning to see her farewell
i can't bear to hear, if it's meaning to hear her goodbye
i can't bear to feel, if it's meaning a big hole in heart

i loved singing, but i feel numb
i loved acting, but i feel blank
i loved teaching, but i feel dumb
i loved ...., but i feel none

i wish i was died yesterday
when i still have hope
when i still have future
when i still have spirit

now
i just a body without soul
half of my soul already gone
gone......

IT'S GONE DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!
admit it yourself
you prick in cow shit
you pathetic useless piece of dirt

it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone
it's gone

man... i wish i died yesterday

hi everyone

2010-08-17T12:28:00.001+07:00

hi everyone...
i'm back

out of vacuum so long
i was blind
i was deaf
i was death.....

enjoy my last poems that was unreleased across the year... only a couple

tidak cukup

2010-08-17T12:27:00.005+07:00

ada yang pacarnya Very very very LD
ketemuan 1 tahun sekali
lalu hook up sampai pagi
besok besok tak ketemu lagi

cukup? tentu tidak

ada yang pacarnya very very LD
ketemuan 6 bulan sekali
lalu dating dari pagi
lalu besok pergi ke kota sendiri

cukup? tentu tidak

ada yang pacarnya very LD
ketemuan 1 bulan sekali
lalu nonton film favorit
habis itu tunggu bulan baru lagi

cukup? tentu tidak

ada yang pacarnya LD
ketemuan 1 minggu sekali
ngobrol ngobrol saja sekali
lalu pergi ke salon ngurusin diri

cukup? tentu tidak

ada yang pacarnya D
ketemuan 1 hari sekali
cuman say hi dan hihihi
lalu diem, gak tahu mau ngapain

cukup? tentu tidak

ada yang pacarnya SD
ketemuan 1 jam sekali
cuman mandang sekali
abis itu udah, mending liat yang lain

cukup? tentu tidak

ada yang pacarnya very SD
ketemuan 1 menit sekali
udah bosen kali ye
lihat pun ndak

cukup? tentu tidak

ada yang pacarnya very very SD
ketemuan 1 detik sekali
udah nempel kaya lem UHU
sampe menarik diri supaya copot

cukup? tentu tidak

aku? very very very very SD
ketemuan hampir tiap saat
setiap saat selalu berdua
berdua saja setap saat

cukup? tentu tidak

kalo terpisah, pengennya ketemuan lagi
meski gak ngapa-ngapain
cuman pengen berdua aja
tidap pernah cukup rasanya

banyak maunya

2010-08-17T12:27:00.003+07:00

dia banyak maunya
mau ini mau itu
banyak sekali
namun herannya, kok aku menurut saja

dia minta untuk belikan baju
bajunya lumayan mahal
namun ketika dia pakai dan dia tersenyum
langsung kuingin tuk belikan

dia minta untuk cuci tangan selalu
padahal ku lumayan jorok
namun ketika dia mengajakku
sekarang aku selalu cuci tangan

dia minta kubelajar motor
karena kubandel dan tidak bisa
kubelikan saja motor untuk dia pakai
tapi suatu hari akan kubelajar mobil sajalah

dia minta aku makan mie ayam
padahal seumur aku hampir tidak pernah makan diluar
tapi karena dia yang minta
kok sekarang jadi kebiasaan

dia minta beli buah
untuk pencernaanya yang tidak beres
sekarang kok rasanya aku yang tidak puas
kalau sehari gak makan buah

dia minta aku untuk buat puisi
dan dia jarang puas dengan puisiku
tapi sekali puas... rasanya sedunia
jadi akau kubuat terus sampai dia puas

dia minta aku untuk banyak hal
tapi dia pun mengerti kapan aku yang meminta
dia banyak meminta, namun aku juga
maka aku banyak memberi, dia juga

namun apapun yang dia minta
seaneh apapun...
selama ku bisa kerjakan
akan aku penuhi untuk dia

aneh ya?
mungkin, namun bagiku
senyum senangnya
cukup rasanya untuk membayarku

dia bukan siapa siapa

2010-08-17T12:27:00.001+07:00

dia bukan putri salju
yang tertidur dalam hutan
yang terbangun dengan senyuman
ketika dicium dengan lembut pada bibirnya

namun senyumannya ketika terbangun
bahkan tampa ciuman sedikitpun
jauh lebih indah dari apapun
meskipun dia bukan putri salju

dia bukan cinderella
yang rela pergi ke pesta sang pangeran
meski harus menderita sengsara
karena sepatu kacanya tertinggal

namun dia rela pergi kemana saja untukku dan untuknya
karena kami ada satu jiwa yang berbeda tubuh
dan menderita sengsara untuk hari depan
yang lebih berharga dibanding sepatu kaca

dia bukan nami
yang bisa mengarahkan going merry
melintasi grand line yang berliku
tanpa rasa takut sedikitpun

namun dia tidak bisa membawa kapal
dia hanya bisa mengarahkan honda vario
melintasi jalan batam yang berdebu
sambil membawaku yang berat sambil tersenyum

dia bukan megawati
yang punya banyak massa
dan wibawa sekelas mantan presiden
dan memiliki kekuatan untuk mengkritik bangsa

namun dia tidak bisa memimpin
dan tidak berwibawa sama sekali
namun dia punya anak-anak yang patuh padanya
meski anak-anak itu bukanlah anak kandungnya

dia bukan britney spears
yang punya suara indah nan merdu
mampu bernyanyi dan menari
yang membuat semua bergoyang karenanya

namun dia hanya bisa menyanyi dengan suara rendah
menari pun seadanya serta tidak lincah
namun dia bisa membuat aku bernyanyi bersamanya
dan menari bersamanya

dia memang bukan siapa-siapa
namun dia segala-galanya bagiku
bagi orang lain dia memang tidak istimewa
namun bagiku, tanpanya hidupku berwarna abu-abu

this love

2010-08-17T12:26:00.006+07:00

people said love is wonderful
i wonder what kind of love they feel
when they said love is wonderful
i believe it's not like what i feel

people said love is blind
i wonder they are truly blind or what
can't they see what they have before eyes?
i believe its not like what i see

people said love is expensive
i wonder they are truly that cheapskate
can't they see that how cheap a love is?
i believe its not like what i think

people said love can kill
i wonder what kind of depressive love is that
can't they see around them?
i believe its not what i grasp

people said love is sex
i wonder what kind of bodily thought they have
can't they see the core of love?
i believe its not what i sense

people said love is ...
SO many things, i wonder which is true
i don't really know love
but i know 1 thing

love is Lenny

this year

2010-08-17T12:26:00.001+07:00

last year and this year
same date, same time
same occasion, same event
different point of view

last year
i wish for your happiness
i wish for your eternal peace
i wish for your unending opportunity

this year
i wish for our happines
i wish for our eternal peace
i wish for our unending opportunity

last year
i bless you for fortune
i bless you for dignity
i bless you for wisdom

this year
i ask God to bless you for fortune
i ask God to bless you for dignity
i ask God to bless you for wisdom

last year
i give you many things
this year
i only give you 1 thing

this year i only give you myself
since there are nothing i can give higher
since there are nothing to compare
then my sole self

P.S. happy birthday my dearest Lenny

siapa pahlawanmu

2010-08-17T12:25:00.000+07:00

siapa pahlawanmu?

siapa pahlawanku dan siapa pahlawanmu
wahai kamu semua yang mendengar
yang mana yang pantas kukagumi?
yang mana yang layak disebut pahlawan?

bangsaku demikian banyak pahlawan
pilihlah yang mana saja
mereka semua tersohor namanya
dan tak tertandingi keberaniannya

siapakah mereka?
kenalpun aku tidak
kalau memang ada banyak
mengapa aku tidak mengerti bahkan satu?

dari pulau yang paling timur
sampai pegunungan yang paling barat
banyak putra putri yang naik
dan turun lagi karena berjuang

apa yang diperjuangkan?
apakah masih perlu berjuang?
apa aku harus berjuang?
bukankah giliranku untuk menikmati hasil perjuangan?

ya sungguh sungguh sungguh benar
mereka memang maju berjuang
untuk kamu, aku dan semua yang lain
untuk bisa menikmati hari esok

jadi buat apa ada hari pahlawan?
toh aku juga tidak kenal mereka
tidak ada urusan denganku pada mereka

untuk memperingati mereka semua
agar ingat bahwa yang dinikmati sekarang
atas jasa mereka semua

itu kan sudah berlalu
yang berlalu biarlah berlalu
tidak usah lagi kita bicarakan
hal yang sudah lama berlalu dari ingatan

sungguh benar kalau seperti itu
jadi siapa pahlawanmu?
kalau bukan mereka, jadi siapa?
siapa yang layak disebut pahlawan sekarang?

itu yang kupertanyakan
siapa pahlawanku?
siapa pahlawanmu?
siapa atau apa itu pahlawan?

pahlawan adalah panutan
pahlawan adalah teladan
pahlawan adalah orang yang patut dicontoh
pahlawan adalah orang yang patut diteladani

jadi siapakah dia?
siapakah?
mengapa begitu sedikit aku mengenal mereka
apakah mereka tidak lagi ada?

lihatlah disekelilingmu
adakah yang patut dicontoh?
adakah yang patut diteladani?
adakah yang pantas disebut pahlawan?

gambling

2009-10-05T16:28:00.001+07:00

Gambling...
a process of greed and jealousy
where dirty people gather to wager
filled with whores and blasphmey

gambling...
never once it return any good
nor gift wnough to relieve the wound
everyone is suffering in gambling

but today, i gamble...
in a very tiny hope
it will be good
it will bring good result

although i know gambling
never bring good
i just hope
this one will

on God's Will
then it will be done
by Your Name i put this wager
may it will bring glory to your Name

P.S. i bet my trust and my money on you, lief!

return to hometown

2009-09-14T23:51:00.001+07:00

after long but short 5 years
i return to my old home
to find my home
strange to me...

i find it wierd in this town
a town where i grew
a town where i have so many memories
i find i am a stranger in this town

all my standard
all my knowledge
are useless here
where i must regain my old self

where can i start
where can i go to begin
where to put the bookmark
where is the benchmark

P.S. first day in pontianak... hmm, i indeed leave khuntien too long

a week of torture

2009-09-14T23:47:00.000+07:00

what a week
a week of pain and torture
a earthy hell
what a week

i am bored
i am hot
i am lonely
and i am in hell

but even in hell
i still on earth
but even i feel like in hell
sometimes it will feel like in earth too

P.S. Diklat di lpmp... penderitaan, but i gain something too

when a leader go astray

2009-07-29T09:19:00.000+07:00

a ship is one unit
one body
and one soul
but a ship must be lead by a leader

when a leader is strong
the whole ship will be strong
so strong that it will become a battleship
feared and revered at the same time

when a leader is productive
the whole ship will be too
so productive that it will become a fishery ship
to feed all other ship and bring more to life

when a leader is wise
the whole ship will be filled with wisdom
so wise that it will become a scholar ship
to teach all other to become wiser in life

when a leader is creative
the whole ship will be filled with joy
so happy that it will become a cruise ship
to bring happiness and delete all sorrow

when a leader is kind
the whole ship will be kind too
so kind that it will become a hospital ship
to heal all problems and diseases

when a leader is calm
the whole ship will be in tranquil
to relax it will become a mothership
to hold all other to give them chance to relax

when a leader go astray
the whole ship will go berserk
so berserk it will ripped itself to many pieces
and finally sink to the bottom of the seas

P.S. all leaders, beware! all of your unit are depend on you, go astray

once, you all doomed

balance

2009-07-29T09:14:00.002+07:00

yin and yang
heaven and earth
right and left
sword and shield

all lies in the earth
live in perfect equilibrium
a beautiful balance
a law that can't be denied

gift and curse
rich and poor
male and female
angel and demon

all in a balance
a nature of all things
all seeks to balance
to balance all they seek

but why
oh, why, i still can;t reach that balance
i dream and i seek for
will i ever reach balance state?

P.S. one day you Dang motorcycle!!!!!

Stupid Mistake

2009-07-29T09:14:00.001+07:00

i have let you down down
i have been such a fool
leaning to those temptation
where i should played it cool

the situation is got out hand
i hope you understand

it could happen to anyone of us
anyone you know, you knew, and you will know
sometimes they hurt the one the love most
because of a stupid mistake

because of those tiny mistakes
sometimes the retribution could bigger than ocean
because of those unnoticeable holes
sometimes will create a opening enough to destroy a dam

P.S. i hope you can forgive me for those tiny holes and i hope to realised it before it's too late, i don't want to lose you

Taken from song 'anyone of us' by gareth gates

God didn't Exist

2009-07-29T09:13:00.003+07:00

God didn't exist
only madmen say those line
God definite don't exist
only imbeciles say those line

science is truth
only men with beansprout as brain say those line
science is absolute
only men not from a woman's womb say those line

it is true science is what we study
it can be proven and shown to all eyes
where God is unstudiable
it can't be proven and shown to you all

but where is harder to prove God exist?
or prove God DIDN'T EXIST?
where are the prove God Didn't exist?
Where?

where science is truth and absolute?
even world's smartest man could make mistake
world speculate about things they don't understand
such as God, which is unstudiable

so did God Existed?
or do God Exist
or science is Truth
the same science that can answer all human's questions

P.S. inspired by Angel & Demon, one of the greatest novels of all time

Rain

2009-07-29T09:13:00.001+07:00

rain
water drops
cleaning all dry and drougth
bring fresh and life to dead earth

rain
fallen ice
piercing all earth's creatures
warning them all of greater power

rain
nature miracles
uniting heaven and earth
where God meet human

rain
raging nature
where God show His power
to wash all sins in one swope

P.S. Rain, should people jump in joy or cowering in fear when they come?

ir's harder than it's look

2009-07-29T09:12:00.000+07:00

being a leader
is much much harder than being a worker
so if you want to be a leader
think twice first, can you cope with it?

being the one to hold on
is much much harder than being the one holding
so if you want to hold
think twice first, can you hold them all?

being a teacher
is much much harder than being a student
so if you want to teach
think twice first, can you bear all of it?

being the one to lead teacher
is much much harder than all above
so if you want that job
don't think, just do it all!!!

P.S. dang, HoD is so harsh, job of a warship general with salary of a young private.