i have lotsa trouble with my mouth
i used harsh and rude words
i lied and spit anger on whim
i scold and break loved one's heart with my mouth
never i though i have another problem with my mouth
simple actually, but terribly important
i never really concern about my physical trait
but i realized, that i must neglect them too
because of my ignorance
it cost me a toll
because of my pride
it cause me a fall
i must brace myself
to face one person
i fear and at the same time, hate
but i truly need them...
i was surprised to know the fixing details
but i deserve it
now i have walk on the first level
and still 2 more to go...
P.S. my dentist really give a task to fulfilled before my next year... fixing my teeth!!!
30 January 2009
29 January 2009
wait for another moon
moon are entity that appear every night
but a full moon only appear 1 night only
i have wait for every night for this full moon
but in the fateful day, i missed that moon
what can i do then?
shouting for the moon to return?
no, what can i do is only
waiting for a another moon...
P.S. another month kah...
well, a bit distressful news, but i understand
so, take care, enjoy your time
i'll stay here, for another moon
but a full moon only appear 1 night only
i have wait for every night for this full moon
but in the fateful day, i missed that moon
what can i do then?
shouting for the moon to return?
no, what can i do is only
waiting for a another moon...
P.S. another month kah...
well, a bit distressful news, but i understand
so, take care, enjoy your time
i'll stay here, for another moon
27 January 2009
curses of the 12 planes
after God created the 12 planes
Devil also spawns 12 planes
all his creations based on envious
of God's creations
on the highest plane
there live the restless undeads
their king, the vampires, Marguel
the ultimate axe of revenge
their curse is their heart
their curse is the spirit of vengeance
the curse of loathe and hurt
the curse to not being able to forgive
on the second plane
there live the crimson fiends
their lord, the archfiend, Labiel
the blood claw of Hell
their curse is the brain
their curse is sinister and slickness
the curse of deceiving
the curse to fools every creatures
on the third plane
there live the noisy goblins
their captain, the red cap, Araktuk
the brown bow of poisons
their curse is the heart
their curse is envious
the curse of thievery and robbery
the curse to never create anything
on the fourth plane
there live the ghastly spectres
their leader, the yellow baron, Illiest
the rusted cane of styx
their curse is the brain
their curse is irresposibility
the curse of run away from truth
the curse to hiding forever from future
on the fifth plane
there live the fallen treants
their king, old one, Hijias
the blistering spines of diseases
their curse is the heart
their curse is despair
the curse of pessimist and sorrow
the curse to live in miseries
on the sixth plane
there live the fearsome hydras
their ring lord, the first, Golion
the scales of amethyst and sapphire
their curse is the brain
their curse is arrogance
the curse of proud of own brilliance
the curse to never see truth beyond all
on the seventh plane
there live the sly chimaeras
their king, the mozaic manticore, Essentia
the hooked blade of venom
their curse is the heart
their curse is greed
the curse of never see other than money
the curse to claims all fortune as his
on the eighth plane
there live the gluttonous lizardmen
their pack leader, the purple scale king, Banka
the hunters of the deep
their curse is the brain
their curse is sloth
the curse of weak willed
the curse to never learn anything
on the ninth plane
there live the hideous Djinns
their supreme leader, the meteor marid, Nouda
the purging rocks of destruction
their curse is the heart
their curse is solitary
the curse of believe at nothing
the curse to gather loneliness without hope
on the tenth plane
there live the conceited wizards
their king, the dark wizards, Holterot
the Bronze Wand of confusion
their curse is the brain
their curse is blinded mind
the curse of too proud of their own wisdoms
the curse to never aware of worse danger
on the eleventh plane
there live the dirty trolls
their lord, the big arms, Algala
the mask of merciless
their curse is the heart
their curse is egoism
the curse of never believe in oneself
the curse to always rely on other
on the last plane
there live the berserk giants
their king, the titan, Domos
the Steel helmet of pain
their curse is the brain
their curse is madness
the curse of uncontrollable
the curse to destroy anything
the Devil see his creation match God's
but He still wants more
the human plane also need curse
the most terrible among all curse
then on the thirteenth plane
there live the fragile humans
they have no king nor queen
but one simple lad, Von Tersuesy
his curse is the Heart and Brain
the last curse is the curse of hatred
the curse of detest and abhorrence
the curse to making all planes crying in sadness
all curses has given away
the devil satisfied for now
all planes have recieve their curses
and all are ready to devour God's gift
P.S. which curse do you possess? even if you have all 12 curses, i hope you don't have the last
curse... the most horrible curse
Devil also spawns 12 planes
all his creations based on envious
of God's creations
on the highest plane
there live the restless undeads
their king, the vampires, Marguel
the ultimate axe of revenge
their curse is their heart
their curse is the spirit of vengeance
the curse of loathe and hurt
the curse to not being able to forgive
on the second plane
there live the crimson fiends
their lord, the archfiend, Labiel
the blood claw of Hell
their curse is the brain
their curse is sinister and slickness
the curse of deceiving
the curse to fools every creatures
on the third plane
there live the noisy goblins
their captain, the red cap, Araktuk
the brown bow of poisons
their curse is the heart
their curse is envious
the curse of thievery and robbery
the curse to never create anything
on the fourth plane
there live the ghastly spectres
their leader, the yellow baron, Illiest
the rusted cane of styx
their curse is the brain
their curse is irresposibility
the curse of run away from truth
the curse to hiding forever from future
on the fifth plane
there live the fallen treants
their king, old one, Hijias
the blistering spines of diseases
their curse is the heart
their curse is despair
the curse of pessimist and sorrow
the curse to live in miseries
on the sixth plane
there live the fearsome hydras
their ring lord, the first, Golion
the scales of amethyst and sapphire
their curse is the brain
their curse is arrogance
the curse of proud of own brilliance
the curse to never see truth beyond all
on the seventh plane
there live the sly chimaeras
their king, the mozaic manticore, Essentia
the hooked blade of venom
their curse is the heart
their curse is greed
the curse of never see other than money
the curse to claims all fortune as his
on the eighth plane
there live the gluttonous lizardmen
their pack leader, the purple scale king, Banka
the hunters of the deep
their curse is the brain
their curse is sloth
the curse of weak willed
the curse to never learn anything
on the ninth plane
there live the hideous Djinns
their supreme leader, the meteor marid, Nouda
the purging rocks of destruction
their curse is the heart
their curse is solitary
the curse of believe at nothing
the curse to gather loneliness without hope
on the tenth plane
there live the conceited wizards
their king, the dark wizards, Holterot
the Bronze Wand of confusion
their curse is the brain
their curse is blinded mind
the curse of too proud of their own wisdoms
the curse to never aware of worse danger
on the eleventh plane
there live the dirty trolls
their lord, the big arms, Algala
the mask of merciless
their curse is the heart
their curse is egoism
the curse of never believe in oneself
the curse to always rely on other
on the last plane
there live the berserk giants
their king, the titan, Domos
the Steel helmet of pain
their curse is the brain
their curse is madness
the curse of uncontrollable
the curse to destroy anything
the Devil see his creation match God's
but He still wants more
the human plane also need curse
the most terrible among all curse
then on the thirteenth plane
there live the fragile humans
they have no king nor queen
but one simple lad, Von Tersuesy
his curse is the Heart and Brain
the last curse is the curse of hatred
the curse of detest and abhorrence
the curse to making all planes crying in sadness
all curses has given away
the devil satisfied for now
all planes have recieve their curses
and all are ready to devour God's gift
P.S. which curse do you possess? even if you have all 12 curses, i hope you don't have the last
curse... the most horrible curse
24 January 2009
gifts of the 12 planes
in the beginning of time
there are 12 planes
ruled by one race
one undisputed king
on the highest plane
there live the holy angels
their king, the archangel, Gabriel
the supreme shield of divine
their gift is their heart
their gift is the will to always believe
the gift of compassion and mercy
the gift to being able to forgive
on the second plane
there live the dark demons
their lord, the archdemon, Mennon
the black thorn sword of corrupt
their gift is the brain
their gift is the strategic and tactic
the gift of cunning mind
the gift to plan every action
on the third plane
there live the gentle elven
their queen, the elvenbrand, Galadriel
the golden bow of truth
their gift is the heart
their gift is the way of expression
the gift of art and appreciation
the gift to create poems and songs
on the fourth plane
there live the unknown voids
their leader, the black herald, Viel
the unfathomable orb of magic
their gift is the brain
their gift is the long vision
the gift of far sight and thinking
the gift to create unlimited numbers of future
on the fifth plane
there live the wide array of beasts
their pack leader, the king of forest, Optimus
the piercing claw of nature
their gift is the heart
their gift is the optimism
the gift of spirit and unbreakable
the spirit to life all miseries
on the sixth plane
there live the mighty dragons
their ring lord, the first, Ordin
the wing of flames and amber
their gift is the brain
their gift is the logic
the gift of always think with realism
the gift to see truth clouded by riddles
on the seventh plane
there live the proud demihumans
their king, the velvet cape, Alcar
the curved horn of diamond
their gift is the heart
their gift is the luck
the gift of always escape from harm
the gift to bring fortune to all
on the eightth plane
there live the mysterious mermans
their queen, the shining scale, Aria
the dazzling mermaiden of the deep
their gift is the brain
their gift is the skill
the gift of quick wit
the gift to learn everthing fast
on the ninth plane
there live the sweet fairies
their pride leader, the soft wing, Ellenny
the rainbow scarf of the night
their gift is the heart
their gift is faith
the gift of believe without delay
the gift to gather trust without failed
on the tenth plane
there live the curious dwarves
their king, the volcanion, Varthian
the Silver hammer of destruction
their gift is the brain
their gift is the sceptism
the gift of vigilance
the gift to always be aware and ready
on the eleventh plane
there live the shy orcs
their shaman, the third eye, Urugu
the staff of the forgotten lore
their gift is the heart
their gift is the patience
the gift of endurance
the gift to never give up
on the last plane
there live the silent golems
their king, the big rock, Kathiar
the stone armor of invisibility
their gift is the brain
their gift is the cold spirit
the gift of holding emotions
the gift to survive against sadness and pain
the God see their gifts are good
but He still need one more
one more plane to have the biggest gift
the most beautiful among all gift
then on the thirteenth plane
there live the fragile humans
they have no king nor queen
but one simple maiden, Juliana Maduny
her gift is the Heart and Brain
the last gift is the gift of love
the gift of care and adoration
the gift to making all planes dancing in joy
all gifts has given away
the God pleased and satisfied
all planes have recieve their gifts
and all are perfect and beautiful
P.S. which gift you want most? even if you have all 12 gifts, you won't be complete without the last gift... the greatest gift
there are 12 planes
ruled by one race
one undisputed king
on the highest plane
there live the holy angels
their king, the archangel, Gabriel
the supreme shield of divine
their gift is their heart
their gift is the will to always believe
the gift of compassion and mercy
the gift to being able to forgive
on the second plane
there live the dark demons
their lord, the archdemon, Mennon
the black thorn sword of corrupt
their gift is the brain
their gift is the strategic and tactic
the gift of cunning mind
the gift to plan every action
on the third plane
there live the gentle elven
their queen, the elvenbrand, Galadriel
the golden bow of truth
their gift is the heart
their gift is the way of expression
the gift of art and appreciation
the gift to create poems and songs
on the fourth plane
there live the unknown voids
their leader, the black herald, Viel
the unfathomable orb of magic
their gift is the brain
their gift is the long vision
the gift of far sight and thinking
the gift to create unlimited numbers of future
on the fifth plane
there live the wide array of beasts
their pack leader, the king of forest, Optimus
the piercing claw of nature
their gift is the heart
their gift is the optimism
the gift of spirit and unbreakable
the spirit to life all miseries
on the sixth plane
there live the mighty dragons
their ring lord, the first, Ordin
the wing of flames and amber
their gift is the brain
their gift is the logic
the gift of always think with realism
the gift to see truth clouded by riddles
on the seventh plane
there live the proud demihumans
their king, the velvet cape, Alcar
the curved horn of diamond
their gift is the heart
their gift is the luck
the gift of always escape from harm
the gift to bring fortune to all
on the eightth plane
there live the mysterious mermans
their queen, the shining scale, Aria
the dazzling mermaiden of the deep
their gift is the brain
their gift is the skill
the gift of quick wit
the gift to learn everthing fast
on the ninth plane
there live the sweet fairies
their pride leader, the soft wing, Ellenny
the rainbow scarf of the night
their gift is the heart
their gift is faith
the gift of believe without delay
the gift to gather trust without failed
on the tenth plane
there live the curious dwarves
their king, the volcanion, Varthian
the Silver hammer of destruction
their gift is the brain
their gift is the sceptism
the gift of vigilance
the gift to always be aware and ready
on the eleventh plane
there live the shy orcs
their shaman, the third eye, Urugu
the staff of the forgotten lore
their gift is the heart
their gift is the patience
the gift of endurance
the gift to never give up
on the last plane
there live the silent golems
their king, the big rock, Kathiar
the stone armor of invisibility
their gift is the brain
their gift is the cold spirit
the gift of holding emotions
the gift to survive against sadness and pain
the God see their gifts are good
but He still need one more
one more plane to have the biggest gift
the most beautiful among all gift
then on the thirteenth plane
there live the fragile humans
they have no king nor queen
but one simple maiden, Juliana Maduny
her gift is the Heart and Brain
the last gift is the gift of love
the gift of care and adoration
the gift to making all planes dancing in joy
all gifts has given away
the God pleased and satisfied
all planes have recieve their gifts
and all are perfect and beautiful
P.S. which gift you want most? even if you have all 12 gifts, you won't be complete without the last gift... the greatest gift
23 January 2009
too long in the land of avalon
i have a land i visit ever night
the anme of that land is avalon
the realm of might and magic
the plane of undefined and greatness
in that land
i encountered joy
joy of seeing my friends
brother, sisters and hime
in that land
i fight and lead
an army i never have
enemies i never meet
in that land
i saw sorrow
sights that pains me most
my own desperation
in that land
i found hopes
hopes that bring my optimism
hopes that my mindset better
too bad, i can't stay long in that land
every sunrise i must return to plane of earth
realm of human and science
the land of realism
this week, i have stay too long in that land
and must pay some tolls on my real world
it's been a strange and slow and sleepy week
i hope next week will be much much better
P.S. jangan bangun kesianganan lagi... GANBATTE KURASAI WATASHII!!!!!
the anme of that land is avalon
the realm of might and magic
the plane of undefined and greatness
in that land
i encountered joy
joy of seeing my friends
brother, sisters and hime
in that land
i fight and lead
an army i never have
enemies i never meet
in that land
i saw sorrow
sights that pains me most
my own desperation
in that land
i found hopes
hopes that bring my optimism
hopes that my mindset better
too bad, i can't stay long in that land
every sunrise i must return to plane of earth
realm of human and science
the land of realism
this week, i have stay too long in that land
and must pay some tolls on my real world
it's been a strange and slow and sleepy week
i hope next week will be much much better
P.S. jangan bangun kesianganan lagi... GANBATTE KURASAI WATASHII!!!!!
21 January 2009
stay safe on the way home
today she left to go home
by the air she will go back
to where she come from
to enjoy bliss of hometown
i pray for your safe journey
i pray from your joyous moments there
i pray from your power to spreading happiness
and also i pray for your safe journey back
be aware always that you will soon enter the world of parents
the world that you and i are not ready
but we'll do it anyway, be a mini parents
for children we don't even know when we have them
but forget those things first
and enjoy your vacation
i can only wish for your eternal joy
hope that you will always happy
P.S. ja na lenny-imouto, hope you back soon
by the air she will go back
to where she come from
to enjoy bliss of hometown
i pray for your safe journey
i pray from your joyous moments there
i pray from your power to spreading happiness
and also i pray for your safe journey back
be aware always that you will soon enter the world of parents
the world that you and i are not ready
but we'll do it anyway, be a mini parents
for children we don't even know when we have them
but forget those things first
and enjoy your vacation
i can only wish for your eternal joy
hope that you will always happy
P.S. ja na lenny-imouto, hope you back soon
19 January 2009
happy brithday dear Lenny-imouto
the age have risen again another year
may this risen will also risen all is good
may this risen will heighten your level
may this risen will affect your life
may the wisdom be with you always
wisdom of insight to watch everything
wisdom of understanding everyone and everything
wisdom of wits to watch the far with ease
may the fortune be with you always
fortune of gold and pearl beneath your feet
fortune of honor and pride as your dignity
fortune of bliss and peace in your heart
may the joy be with you always
joy of being able to play and live
joy of never being alone
joy that you spread to all surrounding you
i pray that there always an angel
to watch over you, to guide your steps
to guard from all harms
to calm the heart from any discords
may this year be better that before
and the future opens up wide
may this year all be great and exciting
and the life opens up grand
P.S. for lenny-imouto, hope you like it.
may this risen will also risen all is good
may this risen will heighten your level
may this risen will affect your life
may the wisdom be with you always
wisdom of insight to watch everything
wisdom of understanding everyone and everything
wisdom of wits to watch the far with ease
may the fortune be with you always
fortune of gold and pearl beneath your feet
fortune of honor and pride as your dignity
fortune of bliss and peace in your heart
may the joy be with you always
joy of being able to play and live
joy of never being alone
joy that you spread to all surrounding you
i pray that there always an angel
to watch over you, to guide your steps
to guard from all harms
to calm the heart from any discords
may this year be better that before
and the future opens up wide
may this year all be great and exciting
and the life opens up grand
P.S. for lenny-imouto, hope you like it.
17 January 2009
keep it simple
things, the more you think of them
it will create new problem
it always do, create new burden
if you think more than it should be
may be you simplify your mind
simplify the way of thought
simplify the flow of ideas
simplify the intricate logic
with simplification mind
you can lessen you mind burden
less thought and less thinking
just keep it simple
things that unclear yet
things that undetermined yet
things that still have unlimited chances
things that have lot of blurred alternatives
those uncertainties don't need more thinking
those will only bring sorrow and depression
perhaps i must let go all of them
just keep it simple
strange...
just three words
can make all my burden dissapearred in few hours
my regret is, why i didn't realize this sooner
P.S.
thx, your message last night, heal me more than you can imagine...
i should deal more with fact...
what is the facts?
1) there are so many things that i need to done by this monday(proposal, soal, ultah lenny, EC amazing race 2, PKL help, DB module, CV masuk MHS... WEW!!)
2) there are so many student i need to teach (ITA, ITC, jarkom, hci, mtk, p1, mis)
3) i have truly love her unconditionally (maybe i have fallen too deep, but is that a mistake? definitely not, i never regret it, and whatever happen, i still will and shall not regret it)
that it for now... pretty good
maybe i should return to my old strategem
DEAL WITH IT WHEN IT HAPPENS!!! back to life, FULL POWERED DCY1!!!!
it will create new problem
it always do, create new burden
if you think more than it should be
may be you simplify your mind
simplify the way of thought
simplify the flow of ideas
simplify the intricate logic
with simplification mind
you can lessen you mind burden
less thought and less thinking
just keep it simple
things that unclear yet
things that undetermined yet
things that still have unlimited chances
things that have lot of blurred alternatives
those uncertainties don't need more thinking
those will only bring sorrow and depression
perhaps i must let go all of them
just keep it simple
strange...
just three words
can make all my burden dissapearred in few hours
my regret is, why i didn't realize this sooner
P.S.
thx, your message last night, heal me more than you can imagine...
i should deal more with fact...
what is the facts?
1) there are so many things that i need to done by this monday(proposal, soal, ultah lenny, EC amazing race 2, PKL help, DB module, CV masuk MHS... WEW!!)
2) there are so many student i need to teach (ITA, ITC, jarkom, hci, mtk, p1, mis)
3) i have truly love her unconditionally (maybe i have fallen too deep, but is that a mistake? definitely not, i never regret it, and whatever happen, i still will and shall not regret it)
that it for now... pretty good
maybe i should return to my old strategem
DEAL WITH IT WHEN IT HAPPENS!!! back to life, FULL POWERED DCY1!!!!
16 January 2009
love
love
cinta
ai
Liebe
amore
koigokoro
aimez
beminnen
there are million of words
that describing love
but none of them...
tell me... what is love...
i am wondering
is this love?
but what is this i felt?
being in joy and pain at the same time...
i wonder what is love
what i seek is not knowledge
but what should i seek?
i am blind and deaf
i am sometimes wondered
what it feels to be in loved
what it feels to be loved
and what it feels to be lover
people said it's the joy of youth
people said it's the happiness of man
people said it's a needs of human being
people said it's beautiful...
but...
i still confused
what is love...
what i felt
is love truly joyful? but why sometimes i feel sorrow because of love?
is love truly happiness? but why sometimes i feel sadness because of love?
is love truly needs? but why sometimes i feel desparate because of love?
is love truly beautiful? but why sometimes i feel pain because of love?
it is a fact, that i am now in love
it is a fact, that i feel joy and happiness
it is a fact, that it is make life beautiful
but, it's a fact, that sometimes... i felt down because of love
i don't want to be desperate because of love
i don't want to be my old self
pitiful and pathetic being
i really don't want to return to my old self
GOD! what should i do?
i keep thinking the worst of being in love
i keep retracing my old path
i know what lies in the end of that path
the path only goes to
pain...
sadness...
desperation...
hatred...
hurt...
tear...
howl...
lifeless...
spiritless...
i know what lies ahead
what i wished...
so i can endure wht lies ahead
the half chance i have
the half possibility...
2 doors...
which one door reach the my old path
and the other open new path i never been to
whichever door she open up for me...
whichever...
i just hope for the door she open
will not lead to our demise
but if...
she open the door i fear most
i hope the path will be short
and i reclaim my current self
i know myself
this time i have make mistake
i have fallen to far in love
a mistake that i did in the past
a mistake that i should aware of
a mistake of all other mistakes
but still i have fallen into the same state
without realising it, i again, have fall too far in love
even worse, i never fallen this deep
i afraid... i can't survive...
i really afraid... that my own mistake
will be the architect of my own destruction
it's the two doors
is there possibility of other doors?
i'm afraid... it's almost invisibly
i'm afraid... this is my choice
as the tme draw closer
i know i can't run
what i can... is face her
and try to accept the best and the worst
sometimes i wonder
why i think bad things on me
why i can't be always optimistic in life
why i feel fear...
my surrounding never see me as pessimist
my brother and sister see me as a leader
a brave and never give up policy
smart, unique and never show weaknesses
my family see me as a future
a new star that will bring proud to the family
the road that will bring my brothers to better future
the first grandchildren that will continue family's legacy
my students see me as a guide
a guide that will bring them closer to knowledges
a big brother who will teach them about life
moral principia and way of life
but none of them...
really know about the fragile me
about my fear... darkest fears
about my own trauma... hatred... anger
why i write this poem today
i also do not know
i never pour so may into my writings
so many of my feeling
what i want to achieve from write this
i also do not know
what motivated my fingers to run these words
i also do not know
do i wish to be understand?
do my existance wish to be realised?
why i feel like a loner
even when i surrounded by all those around me?
i never know...
perhaps it's my nature to be a loner
perhaps it's just a trick of mind
perhaps i'm not complete without her
i don't know
God, will i know?
will i know myself someday?
will i ever will know?
cinta
ai
Liebe
amore
koigokoro
aimez
beminnen
there are million of words
that describing love
but none of them...
tell me... what is love...
i am wondering
is this love?
but what is this i felt?
being in joy and pain at the same time...
i wonder what is love
what i seek is not knowledge
but what should i seek?
i am blind and deaf
i am sometimes wondered
what it feels to be in loved
what it feels to be loved
and what it feels to be lover
people said it's the joy of youth
people said it's the happiness of man
people said it's a needs of human being
people said it's beautiful...
but...
i still confused
what is love...
what i felt
is love truly joyful? but why sometimes i feel sorrow because of love?
is love truly happiness? but why sometimes i feel sadness because of love?
is love truly needs? but why sometimes i feel desparate because of love?
is love truly beautiful? but why sometimes i feel pain because of love?
it is a fact, that i am now in love
it is a fact, that i feel joy and happiness
it is a fact, that it is make life beautiful
but, it's a fact, that sometimes... i felt down because of love
i don't want to be desperate because of love
i don't want to be my old self
pitiful and pathetic being
i really don't want to return to my old self
GOD! what should i do?
i keep thinking the worst of being in love
i keep retracing my old path
i know what lies in the end of that path
the path only goes to
pain...
sadness...
desperation...
hatred...
hurt...
tear...
howl...
lifeless...
spiritless...
i know what lies ahead
what i wished...
so i can endure wht lies ahead
the half chance i have
the half possibility...
2 doors...
which one door reach the my old path
and the other open new path i never been to
whichever door she open up for me...
whichever...
i just hope for the door she open
will not lead to our demise
but if...
she open the door i fear most
i hope the path will be short
and i reclaim my current self
i know myself
this time i have make mistake
i have fallen to far in love
a mistake that i did in the past
a mistake that i should aware of
a mistake of all other mistakes
but still i have fallen into the same state
without realising it, i again, have fall too far in love
even worse, i never fallen this deep
i afraid... i can't survive...
i really afraid... that my own mistake
will be the architect of my own destruction
it's the two doors
is there possibility of other doors?
i'm afraid... it's almost invisibly
i'm afraid... this is my choice
as the tme draw closer
i know i can't run
what i can... is face her
and try to accept the best and the worst
sometimes i wonder
why i think bad things on me
why i can't be always optimistic in life
why i feel fear...
my surrounding never see me as pessimist
my brother and sister see me as a leader
a brave and never give up policy
smart, unique and never show weaknesses
my family see me as a future
a new star that will bring proud to the family
the road that will bring my brothers to better future
the first grandchildren that will continue family's legacy
my students see me as a guide
a guide that will bring them closer to knowledges
a big brother who will teach them about life
moral principia and way of life
but none of them...
really know about the fragile me
about my fear... darkest fears
about my own trauma... hatred... anger
why i write this poem today
i also do not know
i never pour so may into my writings
so many of my feeling
what i want to achieve from write this
i also do not know
what motivated my fingers to run these words
i also do not know
do i wish to be understand?
do my existance wish to be realised?
why i feel like a loner
even when i surrounded by all those around me?
i never know...
perhaps it's my nature to be a loner
perhaps it's just a trick of mind
perhaps i'm not complete without her
i don't know
God, will i know?
will i know myself someday?
will i ever will know?
15 January 2009
nightmare in life
the life is the day
the life is the night
sometimes in the life, there are days
sometimes in the life, there nights
one must ready for all
one must ready for everthing
the wheel will turn eternally
without stopping, without delaying
the joy of happiness
the delight soul
the bliss of peace
the life on day
the fear of fright
the sorrowful tear
the ugliness of hatred
the life on night
prepare for all
ready to raise
hold on fall
prepare for all
it's hard
it's very hard
but that is life
life of day and night
P.S. whatever happen... be strong... be strong... or you'll never raise again to your feet... stay strong and be strong of all time. be prepared...
the life is the night
sometimes in the life, there are days
sometimes in the life, there nights
one must ready for all
one must ready for everthing
the wheel will turn eternally
without stopping, without delaying
the joy of happiness
the delight soul
the bliss of peace
the life on day
the fear of fright
the sorrowful tear
the ugliness of hatred
the life on night
prepare for all
ready to raise
hold on fall
prepare for all
it's hard
it's very hard
but that is life
life of day and night
P.S. whatever happen... be strong... be strong... or you'll never raise again to your feet... stay strong and be strong of all time. be prepared...
14 January 2009
water always flow down...
even if the sun destroyed
even if the planet stop rotating
even if the earth stop spinning
the water always flow down...
even if the rain failed to fall
even if the wind failed to blow
even if the fire failed to burst
the water always flow down
even if my heart stop beating
even if the star burns away
even if the universe dissappeared
the water always flow down
P.S. some things couldn''t be change... even with a will power only... some things just can't be changed... i wonder if this poem will ever be proven wrong... i want to believe that there are chance... this poem is wrong
even if the planet stop rotating
even if the earth stop spinning
the water always flow down...
even if the rain failed to fall
even if the wind failed to blow
even if the fire failed to burst
the water always flow down
even if my heart stop beating
even if the star burns away
even if the universe dissappeared
the water always flow down
P.S. some things couldn''t be change... even with a will power only... some things just can't be changed... i wonder if this poem will ever be proven wrong... i want to believe that there are chance... this poem is wrong
13 January 2009
solitary is just a trick of mind
loneliness is alone
what is alone?
do everything by self
or feel everything by oneself
loneliness is actually
a trick of mind
you are never alone
even when you are alone
you're not alone
because you are not
there are people inside you
who give you power
you're not alone
because you are not
there are many friends inside you
who give you courage
you're not alone
because you are not
there are so many friends inside you
who give you spirit
you're never alone
so please
necer ever again
think you are alone...
P.S. thanks len... maybe it just a trick of mind... or a whim or a pout of a childish me... perhaps i need to change a bit in my loner side... maekah...
what is alone?
do everything by self
or feel everything by oneself
loneliness is actually
a trick of mind
you are never alone
even when you are alone
you're not alone
because you are not
there are people inside you
who give you power
you're not alone
because you are not
there are many friends inside you
who give you courage
you're not alone
because you are not
there are so many friends inside you
who give you spirit
you're never alone
so please
necer ever again
think you are alone...
P.S. thanks len... maybe it just a trick of mind... or a whim or a pout of a childish me... perhaps i need to change a bit in my loner side... maekah...
10 January 2009
surrounded but alone
i am always surrounded
by people
by questions
by problems
i am surrounded by poeple
poeple who have questions
people who have problems
people who need my helps
but when they have no questions
when they have no more problems
they're gone...
busy with themselves
and then i am alone
waiting for more questions
waiting for more troubles
to create my own appearance
why i am always surrounded
but deep in my heart
i always feel i'm no one
i'm alone...
is there anyone
who can be with me
just be with me...
the me as i am?
that should be not hard
but it is hard
harder than what i expect
harder than what i predict
P.S. this is when i am alone where everthing leave me alone... to do everything... alone... why this pattern didn't change in all these years... it's always end up like this... alone... alone and always alone in the end...
by people
by questions
by problems
i am surrounded by poeple
poeple who have questions
people who have problems
people who need my helps
but when they have no questions
when they have no more problems
they're gone...
busy with themselves
and then i am alone
waiting for more questions
waiting for more troubles
to create my own appearance
why i am always surrounded
but deep in my heart
i always feel i'm no one
i'm alone...
is there anyone
who can be with me
just be with me...
the me as i am?
that should be not hard
but it is hard
harder than what i expect
harder than what i predict
P.S. this is when i am alone where everthing leave me alone... to do everything... alone... why this pattern didn't change in all these years... it's always end up like this... alone... alone and always alone in the end...
09 January 2009
rex and regina
rex is a king
a king of elvenland
elf of the deep forest
forest of the leaves canopy
regina is a queen
a queen of merland
merman of the deep ocean
ocean of the rainbow creatures
both of them have met
2 of so different kind
2 of so different personality
2 of so different sides
what will happen when the 2 collides
will the universe shakes in fear
or dance in harmony
that will be decided... soon
heaven have destined this encounter
the gift of our sweet encounter
wingsbeat of butterflies
and sweet scent of bellflower
the two swords have crossed
the two paths have combined
the two strings of fate have tied
i hope those two won't come apart
P.S. this is when i feel not that confidence about myself, am i worthy enough of her? why every moment i feel this anxiety... worried and fear... am i have proven myself? am i good enough? am i worthy enough for her? and is she also asking the same thing? that will be settled soon...
what should i do then? God, tell me what should i do next...
as the time drawing closer, as i feel more anxiety and worried combined with anticipation and excitement... i do love her... help me to not fallen to far, so i can raise back to my feet before fallen too far...
a king of elvenland
elf of the deep forest
forest of the leaves canopy
regina is a queen
a queen of merland
merman of the deep ocean
ocean of the rainbow creatures
both of them have met
2 of so different kind
2 of so different personality
2 of so different sides
what will happen when the 2 collides
will the universe shakes in fear
or dance in harmony
that will be decided... soon
heaven have destined this encounter
the gift of our sweet encounter
wingsbeat of butterflies
and sweet scent of bellflower
the two swords have crossed
the two paths have combined
the two strings of fate have tied
i hope those two won't come apart
P.S. this is when i feel not that confidence about myself, am i worthy enough of her? why every moment i feel this anxiety... worried and fear... am i have proven myself? am i good enough? am i worthy enough for her? and is she also asking the same thing? that will be settled soon...
what should i do then? God, tell me what should i do next...
as the time drawing closer, as i feel more anxiety and worried combined with anticipation and excitement... i do love her... help me to not fallen to far, so i can raise back to my feet before fallen too far...
08 January 2009
the worst of all
the worst of all world
gather in one spot
the worst of all school
gather in my class
the most cunning
the most lazy
the most stupid
and the most dirty
all of them are gather in my class
and i must make them into something
something to be proud of
God, help me to
P.S. Wali kelas ITC!!!! semoga bisa deh membuat ITC jadi better, God, Help ya!!!
gather in one spot
the worst of all school
gather in my class
the most cunning
the most lazy
the most stupid
and the most dirty
all of them are gather in my class
and i must make them into something
something to be proud of
God, help me to
P.S. Wali kelas ITC!!!! semoga bisa deh membuat ITC jadi better, God, Help ya!!!
07 January 2009
Sleepsong
Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby
Back to the years of loo-li lai-lay
And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow
Bless you with love for the road that you go
May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
May you sail far to the far fields of fortune
With diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet
And may you need never to banish misfortune
May you find kindness in all that you meet
May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
May you bring love and may you bring happiness
Be loved in return to the end of your days
Now fall off to sleep, I'm not meaning to keep you
I'll just sit for a while and sing loo-li, lai-lay
May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
P.S. taken from secret garden song, Sleepsong. a very beautiful song... i might do the same to my child one day too... a very pleasant thought, but it's might still far in the future, so let's get back to work...
Back to the years of loo-li lai-lay
And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow
Bless you with love for the road that you go
May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
May you sail far to the far fields of fortune
With diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet
And may you need never to banish misfortune
May you find kindness in all that you meet
May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
May you bring love and may you bring happiness
Be loved in return to the end of your days
Now fall off to sleep, I'm not meaning to keep you
I'll just sit for a while and sing loo-li, lai-lay
May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
P.S. taken from secret garden song, Sleepsong. a very beautiful song... i might do the same to my child one day too... a very pleasant thought, but it's might still far in the future, so let's get back to work...
05 January 2009
back to rumbling
the rest time is over
the bliss of peace is done
the break of nothingness is over
the moment of void is done
now we all shall return to battle
return to the battle of wits and sweats
return to eternal battle inside us
battle between our dedication and our needs
the battle is never ended
if we still alive
but it will ended
if we choose to run
whatever might happen
i will not run
i might switch faction
but i will not run
in the end
it's just a battle between us
a battle to rumble our children
to be better than all of us
P.S. teaching in the beginning of the year, it smell good, i hope i can smell the same thing till the end of my life
the bliss of peace is done
the break of nothingness is over
the moment of void is done
now we all shall return to battle
return to the battle of wits and sweats
return to eternal battle inside us
battle between our dedication and our needs
the battle is never ended
if we still alive
but it will ended
if we choose to run
whatever might happen
i will not run
i might switch faction
but i will not run
in the end
it's just a battle between us
a battle to rumble our children
to be better than all of us
P.S. teaching in the beginning of the year, it smell good, i hope i can smell the same thing till the end of my life
03 January 2009
my wishes of the year
this year are different from other year
the previous year seems so childish for me now
all my aspirations seems useless and fruitless
i have now seen myself in different glasses
for me in the past, my own enjoyment is my top priority
for now, it's seems create my own egoism
nurture my own selfishness
and i do hate me sometime because of it
for me in the past, achieving the best grade is my dreams
but after i achieve it, i can see that it doesn't bring much
it's your work that matter
it's your fruits of labor that make i satisfied
for me in the past, gathering fortune and money seems tempting
but for me now, after seeing ow ugly someone who lust on money
i put money behind all other important matters
i believe God will not let me suffer if i keep working
i am now aspire only to be a good man
a good husband to whoever my future wife will be
a good father to whoever my children will be
a good man for my society and God's eye
i am now aspire to be a good teacher
not faltered by economic temptation
not weakened because of lost of power
not downed beacuse of failures
i am now aspire to be mature
and forget my childish behaviours
i am now aspire to be man to looked up to
not because of everything but myself as channel of God
and finally, i also have found the woman i admire
i only hope that i am worthy of her
and i hope God truly see her as my equal
as i never feel this feeling with other.
this is the end of my little prayer
in the name of the Father
the Son and the Holy Spirit
Amen...
P.S. hope God grant my aspiration and my future, i give all of mine to your bidding and use me as you wish to bring your glory through me. and for my last wish, if you really not see it with your plan, i shall comply then...
the previous year seems so childish for me now
all my aspirations seems useless and fruitless
i have now seen myself in different glasses
for me in the past, my own enjoyment is my top priority
for now, it's seems create my own egoism
nurture my own selfishness
and i do hate me sometime because of it
for me in the past, achieving the best grade is my dreams
but after i achieve it, i can see that it doesn't bring much
it's your work that matter
it's your fruits of labor that make i satisfied
for me in the past, gathering fortune and money seems tempting
but for me now, after seeing ow ugly someone who lust on money
i put money behind all other important matters
i believe God will not let me suffer if i keep working
i am now aspire only to be a good man
a good husband to whoever my future wife will be
a good father to whoever my children will be
a good man for my society and God's eye
i am now aspire to be a good teacher
not faltered by economic temptation
not weakened because of lost of power
not downed beacuse of failures
i am now aspire to be mature
and forget my childish behaviours
i am now aspire to be man to looked up to
not because of everything but myself as channel of God
and finally, i also have found the woman i admire
i only hope that i am worthy of her
and i hope God truly see her as my equal
as i never feel this feeling with other.
this is the end of my little prayer
in the name of the Father
the Son and the Holy Spirit
Amen...
P.S. hope God grant my aspiration and my future, i give all of mine to your bidding and use me as you wish to bring your glory through me. and for my last wish, if you really not see it with your plan, i shall comply then...
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