a year passed

A year passed
it’s been a year
I didn’t realize it
but it’s been a year

a long time we have been together
doing many things together
face hardships and funships all the same
smile and frown altogether

I hope we will stay together forever
may God bless us with His Grace
may our path be cleared and easy
so we can move forward together

thank you for by my side
although I’m not the easiest person to be with
I’m selfish, pampered and pompous
but still I love you for whoever you are

I will stay with you, whatever it takes
I will try harder and harder
to make you less tired
to build our future together

I love you…

my state of mind

Why am I write today?
no idea I supposed
it’s been so long I don’t write
too busy? too lazy? or mixed of both?

makes me wonder
what happen with my life?

I bought my house
the place I will spend my future time
it’s quite far, and am I regret?
a bit…

I plan to married
and it’s got postponed
to quite far, and am I regret?
a bit…

but there are things I cherish too
teater for instance
although I lost 2 of my best performers
I gain a lot more promising star

my extra class, for another
although I don’t get a chance to teach the best
I still able to teach future programmer
to prepare the lost of my elite team

in the end, life’s keep spinning
sometimes you’re up
and sometimes… you’re down
so, make the most of it

that will be my state of mind now
try to calm myself
try to collect myself
and try to enjoy my life more

help me God

where my life take me?

where is my life take me, God?
I feel I’m just drifting when I’m sure
I feel my stand are firm when I’m confuse
where is my life is taking me?

I wonder about my future
scared and anxiety
hopeful and giddy
but nonetheless afraid of my inability

I am able Dear God, I thanks you for that
but I am also unable at the same time
I wonder, why You gave me amazing skill but almost none of the normal skill?
sound like I’m complaining now eh?

sometime I wonder how is it to become someone else
someone else superior, rich ones, smart ones, leading ones
but they also have their own problems
just like I do, I have my own problems

I fear of my finance, although I still have enough money to support me
a baseless fear I suppose, but I still fear it somehow

I fear of my future house, no fixed plan on it
although actually I fear to be unable to pay actually

why money become such a matter to me now?
I never really worried about money before
why now? of all time? when I should be readier then my past

I earn quite a sum, although not really high in world’s view
I have my own savings and loans I confident with
then why should I still afraid with my finance?

dear God, only you can show me the way
what should I do?
you know my plan and I hope it’s suit with Yours
but still… show me, show us the way

it’s been a while

it’s been a while
I didn’t write
I didn’t post
I didn’t share

I wonder, whether my passion to write vanished?
or I am getting lazy to write?
or I just didn’t care about it?
it’s been too long

it’s too much to write anyway…

what future has in store for us

Today we enjoy our days
our beautiful day
together, without any worries
about future

you, particularly don’t talk about future much
me, particularly think about future almost all day
so should I change to cherish today more and ignore future to future?
or you should change to prepare for future ahead and sacrificing today?

what about future,
I pray future be kind to us
although see today
future seems… unclear

what future has in store for us?
I honestly don’t know
can we overcome future?
I honestly don’t know

but one thing for sure
with you I’m ready to overcome everything
May god help us
and prepare us for the future

so today…
I enjoy and cherish you all I can
so tomorrow I don’t regret what I did today
God help us

Tonight

Tonight is your last night
be together with our family
sleep in familiar bed
and chatting with familiar faces

Tonight, seems like other night
we play and chat like tomorrow is nothing
we act and do our things like usual
but tomorrow you will not be here

Tonight, although no one make a farewell party
no eat out or any particular special meal
no celebration whatsoever
we all know tomorrow is a big day to you

I pray for you, my brother
so you be safe out there
enjoy yourself
and return to us as a winner

may our part be part of God’s plan
for you to be great in future
and may you always have faith in Jesus Christ
so that He always beside you

so sleep tonight
peacefully
and tomorrow
let Time decide what to do

one more

Today mark one more
One more years added
Added to you life tally

It doesn’t only add your age
but also your wisdom
and also your prosperity

I can’t give much for now
constraint by my own limit
I can only give my prayer to you

I pray that you could live happily
live the life to the fullest
without worried about tomorrow

I pray for your health be great
so you could run your live enthusiastically
and never you could stay in bed of tiredness

I pray for you spirit be held up
never care in others critics
and always hold your faith

I pray for your daily life
so you will always never face unsolved problem
any job will be guided by our Lord’s unseen hands

I pray that you will never lose your smile
so you will smile of happiness
and I hope I can bring that smile to you

Oh, my Beloved
may Our Lord bestow His Grace to you
so that you will be happy and prospered

we are whores

We are whores
whore to our time
whore to our live
whore to ourselves

We entitled to do our job
Without knowing when we will be free
and we still do our enslavement
with big smile on our face

we are enslaved
by our necessity
by our needs
by our desire

we are whores, whores to our life
where we enjoy being punished
to enjoy petty rewards
petty rewards we seek all out life

never we feel true freedom
never when we still enslaved in this system
a system that crafted by our own hand
a true freedom we can’t never have

so we enslave ourselves
with whores
to do all the chores
everything, by ourselves

silent victory

unknown to the world
but to one's heart
unposted in any wall
but to one's mind

we know we are win
but lost to the eyes of the world
no matter how sure are you
we still losing to the world

we are winner at heart
loser at reality
we are victor at mind
sucker in stage of the world

p.s. don't worry yul, you are the true winner anyway

i bet everything

i bet my time to all of them
although some do not worth my time
although sometime i feel i want some rest
although sometime i want to vomit at their disgusting attitude
but i still bet my time to all of them

i bet my hope to all of them
although almost none reach my expectation
although one of them almost crack open
although half of them make me scare out of my skin
but i still bet my hope to all of them

i bet my comfort to all of them
my anxiety drive my on my thumb all the time
my fear make me jumpy at every corner
my anger almost make me lose control
but i still bet my comfort to all of them

dear God, help them
help them all
none must failed
i don't care who or what they were
just... save them all

am i worry for nothing

am i worry for nothing?
since you all think nothing of it

am i a fool to keep asking you to study?
since you don't even care

should i mad at you guys?
complaining and pestering without knowing the real deal?

should i be silent?
so you have more time to learn

or should i always give order?
so you will be constantly reminded?

should i leave you all?
so you can fall into your misery alone

or should i stick you guys?
so i can comfort you when all is lost

no matter how hard i want you all to pass
all i can do hope for it

whether you care for yourself or not
is no longer concern me

am i so over about you guys?
so i can leave you to live or die as you wishes

do i even need to care?
since you don't even care

3 moon

3 moon cycles have passed
under the same sun and same moon
we have been together
for 3 moon cycles

in those 3 cycles but i feel like 36 cycles
how i feel we already know for a long time
time that if counted only last 3 cycles of moon
but we do feel much monger than that

we have travel together
solve problem together
have fun together
and mad at each other

what don't destroy you only make you stronger
that what i feel
many problems splashes into our face
but we stay strong

the longer i knew her
the more i want to make her happy
fulfill all her needs
and make her always smile

God, aid me
aid us, guide us
to find Your path
to what end you wish to see

rainy monday

why must today when its raining
when i must travel to deliver kids to their employer
why must today when its raining
when i'm eating a new and urgent task appear
why must today when its raining

God... make me strong

long travel

a long travel i had last year
along with love one i been together
going somewhere i never been step
with anxiety and excitement all in a keep

i travel to city and village alike in sun and rain
i feel enjoyment to smile and sadness to pain
i travel in both car to sleep and train to hunger
to reach destinations beyond even 5 leaves clover

//cilacap\\
a small town without interest
but this town is where she was blessed
a town where all here love ones stay
a town so close to city and a bay

//ambarawa\\
may i give thanks always to God
to have me travel to journey to the Lord
although i just buy a cross and 2 figure
i am hoping i could stay there more

//jogja\\
a place tweak my interest most
cheap stuff and fun things is the host
too bad i couldn't stay longer
i can't imagine how i will spend there